Friday, March 31, 2006
Ack! Ack!
I was trying to put together a gel apparatus today using liquid acrylamide. In the process, I think I sprayed myself with liquid acrylamide, Some got on my face and maybe a few drops even into my mouth. Powder acrylamide, btw, is supposed to be very poisonous for you and it would be a BAD idea to inhale or ingest it. Liquid acrylamide can't be much better. I immediately went to the bathroom to try to spit it out and washed my face repeatedly. Now I have a funny taste in my mouth, I can't decide if it's from the Chocolate truffle I had for breakfast. The other worrying thing is, liquid acrylamide is said to be able to polymerize and be absorbed by skin. Who knows what funky business it could be up to with my cells?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Word of advice for the ladies
So I had lunch with a female technician who happens to be Chinese and slightly older, mother of one. She is in her late forties, but as a very youthful appearance and could easily pass for late 30's or early 40's. She has, I think, taken a liking to me and decided to give me some pearls of wisdom regarding boys today.
The conversation went like this...
Me: Yeah, today, there are no guarantees with marriages.
Ling: Well, you needn't be so pessimistic!
Me (shaking my head sadly): People change, you can never tell what will happen in the future.
Ling: That's true. But let me tell you and remember this carefully. Whoever you choose, make sure the guy treats his parents well. Make sure he's nice and kind to his parents. If a guy can't even be nice to his own parents, how do you expect him to treat you well? Sooner or later, the "real" side to him is going to come out.
Me: Really? Hmm...interesting. I will have to keep that in mind.
Ling: Oh yes, and remember, the first year together will be the hardest (she meant after marriage). That first year is the critical year of adjustment. It was so so difficult for me, so difficult for two different people to conform to each other and become a harmonious pair. So just remember, once you get past the first year, then you can hope for some smooth sailing.
Me: Yeah my mom says that I have to find a guy who is willing to do all the housework. Someone who is not afraid of hard work.
Ling: Impossible! No such thing. Nobody, but nobody will be willing to do that these days.
Me (nodding emphatically): Exactly, that's what I'm saying!
The conversation went like this...
Me: Yeah, today, there are no guarantees with marriages.
Ling: Well, you needn't be so pessimistic!
Me (shaking my head sadly): People change, you can never tell what will happen in the future.
Ling: That's true. But let me tell you and remember this carefully. Whoever you choose, make sure the guy treats his parents well. Make sure he's nice and kind to his parents. If a guy can't even be nice to his own parents, how do you expect him to treat you well? Sooner or later, the "real" side to him is going to come out.
Me: Really? Hmm...interesting. I will have to keep that in mind.
Ling: Oh yes, and remember, the first year together will be the hardest (she meant after marriage). That first year is the critical year of adjustment. It was so so difficult for me, so difficult for two different people to conform to each other and become a harmonious pair. So just remember, once you get past the first year, then you can hope for some smooth sailing.
Me: Yeah my mom says that I have to find a guy who is willing to do all the housework. Someone who is not afraid of hard work.
Ling: Impossible! No such thing. Nobody, but nobody will be willing to do that these days.
Me (nodding emphatically): Exactly, that's what I'm saying!
List of things I suddenly have a wild urge to try
1. Camping
2. Fishing
3. Hiking
4. White water rafting
5. Snorkeling
6. Sailing
7. Jet skiing
8. Lie on the beach
9. Star gazing
10. Dig for clams
It's no coincidence that these are all outdoor activities. It's sad that I have done too few of these in my life, indeed, some, I've never done before. I've come to realize that I live way too sheltered a life and that I need to try more things.
2. Fishing
3. Hiking
4. White water rafting
5. Snorkeling
6. Sailing
7. Jet skiing
8. Lie on the beach
9. Star gazing
10. Dig for clams
It's no coincidence that these are all outdoor activities. It's sad that I have done too few of these in my life, indeed, some, I've never done before. I've come to realize that I live way too sheltered a life and that I need to try more things.
That's just the way my family is
Today I had to take my Dad to the airport because he's going to Shanghai for two weeks to hang out with his Dad. Now, my family, particularly my Dad has never been prone to be touchy-feely. I suppose that has rubbed off on me big time. So when it came time to say goodbye, my Dad reached over and awkwardly patted me on my shoulder. Simultaneously, I reached over and awkwardly patted him on his back. So there the two of us stood, exchanging pats in this stilted ritual.
So in general, I am a pretty hands off person I'd say. From my body language, I think people can usually discern this large neon sign flashing, "Step away from the body, stay 15 feet away." But I do admit I'm much more relaxed with females. So again, this must be my repressed American/Christian/Chinese upbringing coming into play.
So in general, I am a pretty hands off person I'd say. From my body language, I think people can usually discern this large neon sign flashing, "Step away from the body, stay 15 feet away." But I do admit I'm much more relaxed with females. So again, this must be my repressed American/Christian/Chinese upbringing coming into play.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Musings of a Tiny Speck in the Universe
The beauty of the blog is that we can elevate the mediocre and the banal up to the level of seeming importance. In ancient history, when paper was scarce and writing is a precious skill, putting an event down on to paper usually means the event was very significant. I think there is definitely that element of using blogging to attach more significance to our petty lives than is otherwise warranted.
Monday, March 27, 2006
My past weekend
Friday night, tortured Jason through sleep deprivation and keeping him on the phone longer than is humane. I may be watching too much 24 and becoming thoroughly Bauerized.
Saturday, went with my aunt to have dinner with her tutor and her husband. We went to an Italian restaurant in Bethesda, MD. They are very warm Jewish folks, who patiently explained and illuminated various parts of the Jewish culture to me, Miss Ignoramus. My aunt, I'm quite proud of her, was able to tell the story of Joseph (in the Bible) in English, complete with very colorful gestures and punctuated with Chinese filler words like "Na ge" and "Hai yo". But her tutor is very pleased with her progress, and I am too. We then went to watch a musical of Joseph at their Synagogue, although not professional, the musical was well done. The actors sang really well and I liked the part of the Pontiphar's wife stalking Joseph in order to seduce him. Talk about coming on strong.
Sunday was quite relaxing too. Owing to some scheduling conflicts, I ended up going to two services at Church, first the mandarin one with Mom and Dad and then the English one right after. I took a nice snooze during the English one. It's too much Church service for one day. Then afterwards, my mom and I went to have dim sum - very yummy. Best of all, I ran into two old high school friends. I have been feeling left out of the social loop recently, I should definitely make more of an effort to hang out with friends. After lunch, went home took a two hour nap (see profile picture) and then went to work out with Mom. She was hard core man! She burned more Calories than me on the elliptical. I was just puttering around, trying to reach my quota of about 300 Calories to burn. As we were leaving, my mom triumphantly reported burning 403 Calories to be exact. I showered her with praise.
Saturday, went with my aunt to have dinner with her tutor and her husband. We went to an Italian restaurant in Bethesda, MD. They are very warm Jewish folks, who patiently explained and illuminated various parts of the Jewish culture to me, Miss Ignoramus. My aunt, I'm quite proud of her, was able to tell the story of Joseph (in the Bible) in English, complete with very colorful gestures and punctuated with Chinese filler words like "Na ge" and "Hai yo". But her tutor is very pleased with her progress, and I am too. We then went to watch a musical of Joseph at their Synagogue, although not professional, the musical was well done. The actors sang really well and I liked the part of the Pontiphar's wife stalking Joseph in order to seduce him. Talk about coming on strong.
Sunday was quite relaxing too. Owing to some scheduling conflicts, I ended up going to two services at Church, first the mandarin one with Mom and Dad and then the English one right after. I took a nice snooze during the English one. It's too much Church service for one day. Then afterwards, my mom and I went to have dim sum - very yummy. Best of all, I ran into two old high school friends. I have been feeling left out of the social loop recently, I should definitely make more of an effort to hang out with friends. After lunch, went home took a two hour nap (see profile picture) and then went to work out with Mom. She was hard core man! She burned more Calories than me on the elliptical. I was just puttering around, trying to reach my quota of about 300 Calories to burn. As we were leaving, my mom triumphantly reported burning 403 Calories to be exact. I showered her with praise.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Mature Love
Erich Fromm wrote this:
To give has become more satisfactory, more joyous, than to receive; to love, more important even than being loved. By loving, he has left the prison cell of aloneness and isolation which was constituted by the sate of narcissism and self-centeredness. He feels a sense of new union, of sharing, of oneness. More than that, he feels potency of producing love by loving -- rather than the dependence of receiving by being loved -- and for that reason having to be small, helpless, sick -- or "good." Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
To give has become more satisfactory, more joyous, than to receive; to love, more important even than being loved. By loving, he has left the prison cell of aloneness and isolation which was constituted by the sate of narcissism and self-centeredness. He feels a sense of new union, of sharing, of oneness. More than that, he feels potency of producing love by loving -- rather than the dependence of receiving by being loved -- and for that reason having to be small, helpless, sick -- or "good." Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
Such a starking contrast
I was flipping through my old youth pastor's xanga site and then there was a link to his wife which I clicked on. I don't know her at all but I suppose lurking on her xanga was my first step in getting to know her somewhat.
I discovered first of all that she is my age. That surprised me because I have always thought she was younger than me. So having now discovered that we are after all the same age made me think about how else we are alike and we are different.
Well for one thing, she is married, and to a pastor to boot. That fact gurantees one thing: her life will always be at the hubbub of a community, surrounded by many many people, friends and family, members of the congregation. In a way, it is like being a mini-celebrity, is it not? As the pastor and the pastor's wife, you're going to be closely and intimately interconnected to such a vast social network - I suspect the word loneliness is a near extinct concept in their lives. I am not so naive as to think mere people, mere warm bodies hovering over you all the time is enough to ensure lack of loneliness. However, with their faith in Christ, and their daily lives surrounded in this conglomerate of two legged creatures, I think it is a strong enough defensehold.
Wow, how different we are, and yet how not different. I think I have generally admitted very graciously that I am not Miss Congeniality and as likely will never win a popularity contest in my lifetime. Something in my genes has hardwired me to be more or less an aloof creature, content to go to and fro about my own little life, minding my own little affairs. Sure, I have a close knit set of friends, but the number doesn't go past 5, truth be told. =)
How under the radar I am. Not so many eyes on me. I realize this when I read her xanga. She wrote some one little liner, completely and utterly meaningless perhaps on to themselves. Yet she had 50,000 comments to trail its wake, testifying to the large and ever expanding circle of eager friends and family, people wanting to get closer, to show that they too are part of that circle. Wowo...that must be an interesting way to live life and I'm sure people less grounded in their faith in God and humility woould very likely be spoiled by being at the constant spotlight of attention.
But really, I deviate from my original intention in mentioning this. It is not my intent to judge or to criticize in the least. I am just reflecting on how two Asian-American girls raised in the same middle-class, religious background, at the same age, can now be leading such wholly different lives. She is in a completely different life stage than me, if you will. Since I am still puttering around in singleland, free and easy to do what I please for the most part, and living a very sheltered, private life. Even when I do marry one day, I am pretty certain it's not gonna be a pastor =P and thus, I will probably be living a very low-key existence, punctuated by small delights and pleasures, known only to me, reveled only by me, seen only in my mind's eye. 'Tis good, 'tis all good.
I discovered first of all that she is my age. That surprised me because I have always thought she was younger than me. So having now discovered that we are after all the same age made me think about how else we are alike and we are different.
Well for one thing, she is married, and to a pastor to boot. That fact gurantees one thing: her life will always be at the hubbub of a community, surrounded by many many people, friends and family, members of the congregation. In a way, it is like being a mini-celebrity, is it not? As the pastor and the pastor's wife, you're going to be closely and intimately interconnected to such a vast social network - I suspect the word loneliness is a near extinct concept in their lives. I am not so naive as to think mere people, mere warm bodies hovering over you all the time is enough to ensure lack of loneliness. However, with their faith in Christ, and their daily lives surrounded in this conglomerate of two legged creatures, I think it is a strong enough defensehold.
Wow, how different we are, and yet how not different. I think I have generally admitted very graciously that I am not Miss Congeniality and as likely will never win a popularity contest in my lifetime. Something in my genes has hardwired me to be more or less an aloof creature, content to go to and fro about my own little life, minding my own little affairs. Sure, I have a close knit set of friends, but the number doesn't go past 5, truth be told. =)
How under the radar I am. Not so many eyes on me. I realize this when I read her xanga. She wrote some one little liner, completely and utterly meaningless perhaps on to themselves. Yet she had 50,000 comments to trail its wake, testifying to the large and ever expanding circle of eager friends and family, people wanting to get closer, to show that they too are part of that circle. Wowo...that must be an interesting way to live life and I'm sure people less grounded in their faith in God and humility woould very likely be spoiled by being at the constant spotlight of attention.
But really, I deviate from my original intention in mentioning this. It is not my intent to judge or to criticize in the least. I am just reflecting on how two Asian-American girls raised in the same middle-class, religious background, at the same age, can now be leading such wholly different lives. She is in a completely different life stage than me, if you will. Since I am still puttering around in singleland, free and easy to do what I please for the most part, and living a very sheltered, private life. Even when I do marry one day, I am pretty certain it's not gonna be a pastor =P and thus, I will probably be living a very low-key existence, punctuated by small delights and pleasures, known only to me, reveled only by me, seen only in my mind's eye. 'Tis good, 'tis all good.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Priorities
So Jason not unkindly pointed out to me recently that my priorities in life are all screwed up. I pay attention to all the little insignificant trivial things in life and get more or less worked up about them while blithely forgetting about the IMPORTANT, practical matters in my life, ie. MCAT, going to med school, etc. For the record, he is right.
In other news, I am currently listening to a set of audio lectures regarding the course of modern Jewish intellectual history. I realize that for someone who grew up in a culture steeped in and deeply influenced by Jewish traditions (Judeo-Christian, conservative, America) I know very little about the Jewish people and intellectual history. For example, I would like to find out more about Zionism, which just sounded cool in the Matrix.
In still other news, my hair is finally growing long enough for me to pull it back into a small piggytail. I've been very scissor happy the last few years and always snip snip snipped away to keep my crop of hair short. Hopefully this time I will manage to control that itch and let it grow down to my back and I can finally have that long Renaissance woman with long flowing hair look I've always drooled over. Call it my Rapunzel Envy.
Finally, I noticed today that I have these frecklelike things dotting my cheeks. They don't really seem like freckles either, but they are not acne. I don't know what they are!! My hitherto flawless complexion is in danger of annihilation! (Okay so I think my friends are generally in consensus that I'm a rather shallow creature...)
In other news, I am currently listening to a set of audio lectures regarding the course of modern Jewish intellectual history. I realize that for someone who grew up in a culture steeped in and deeply influenced by Jewish traditions (Judeo-Christian, conservative, America) I know very little about the Jewish people and intellectual history. For example, I would like to find out more about Zionism, which just sounded cool in the Matrix.
In still other news, my hair is finally growing long enough for me to pull it back into a small piggytail. I've been very scissor happy the last few years and always snip snip snipped away to keep my crop of hair short. Hopefully this time I will manage to control that itch and let it grow down to my back and I can finally have that long Renaissance woman with long flowing hair look I've always drooled over. Call it my Rapunzel Envy.
Finally, I noticed today that I have these frecklelike things dotting my cheeks. They don't really seem like freckles either, but they are not acne. I don't know what they are!! My hitherto flawless complexion is in danger of annihilation! (Okay so I think my friends are generally in consensus that I'm a rather shallow creature...)
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Dad: No Conformist that's for sure
So last night I decided to drag my frumpy self to the gym after weeks of no show. My dad accompanied me dutifully, in the interest of "not wasting" our monthly dues to the gym.
I show up at the treadmill in my usual T-shirt and shorts and running shoes, standard apparel for fitness. And what does my dad show up in? A button down shirt tucked into long khaki pants, fastened with a belt. Aiyayayyayayaya. My dad!!!!! Very obliviously, he steps onto the treadmill and starts to work out. If the entire gym becomes a "Where's Waldo?" cartoon, he sure wouldn't be hard to find.
Dad truly lives in his own world. He doesn't seem capable of actually SEEING the contrast between what he is wearing and what all the other people around him are sporting. Either that, he just shrugged it off.
In other news, people at work found out through the grapevine that I keep a blog and for some reason, that has perked many a person's interest. I am genuinely surprised that it's such a big deal, since I thought everyone in this cybercrazed world that we live in are thoroughly familiar with the concept of blogging. I guess the people I work with are very old-school. One of them is constantly threatening to search for my blog. The funny thing is, all he really has to do is go to my work computer and use History on my web browser. Otherwise, he could waste alot of time googling and he would not be able to find anything. I think they are curious because they want to know if I've written anything about them. So far I've refrained from doing character anaylses on my coworkers, partially because my workstation is so out in the open and anyone and anybody can just walk by and read what i'm typing, and partially it's just because it's the decent thing to do. It is so high school to "gossip" about people and so un-interesting, as far I'm concerned.
I show up at the treadmill in my usual T-shirt and shorts and running shoes, standard apparel for fitness. And what does my dad show up in? A button down shirt tucked into long khaki pants, fastened with a belt. Aiyayayyayayaya. My dad!!!!! Very obliviously, he steps onto the treadmill and starts to work out. If the entire gym becomes a "Where's Waldo?" cartoon, he sure wouldn't be hard to find.
Dad truly lives in his own world. He doesn't seem capable of actually SEEING the contrast between what he is wearing and what all the other people around him are sporting. Either that, he just shrugged it off.
In other news, people at work found out through the grapevine that I keep a blog and for some reason, that has perked many a person's interest. I am genuinely surprised that it's such a big deal, since I thought everyone in this cybercrazed world that we live in are thoroughly familiar with the concept of blogging. I guess the people I work with are very old-school. One of them is constantly threatening to search for my blog. The funny thing is, all he really has to do is go to my work computer and use History on my web browser. Otherwise, he could waste alot of time googling and he would not be able to find anything. I think they are curious because they want to know if I've written anything about them. So far I've refrained from doing character anaylses on my coworkers, partially because my workstation is so out in the open and anyone and anybody can just walk by and read what i'm typing, and partially it's just because it's the decent thing to do. It is so high school to "gossip" about people and so un-interesting, as far I'm concerned.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
You know you're...
bored when you find yourself checking even the WEATHER page obsessively. As if the weather is capricious to the point of changing every 10 minutes or so.
Seriously though, today was a day spent in idleness. I would have enjoyed it if I had the comforts of home and my TV of course, but alas, I was stuck at my desk, very ungraciously surfing the web.
Of course I was also doing a fast and furious email correspondence with SOMEBODY until he decides to just ignore me for reasons I am not aware of. Maybe he was busy and he actually had work to do. Hehe, that would be the most logical explanation. Or perhaps he was just mad at me, again, for reasons foreign to me and he decided to not talk to me ever again. We have a very mature correspondence, he and I.
No one is making any comments on my wonderful Tsotsi review. How disappointing.
Seriously though, today was a day spent in idleness. I would have enjoyed it if I had the comforts of home and my TV of course, but alas, I was stuck at my desk, very ungraciously surfing the web.
Of course I was also doing a fast and furious email correspondence with SOMEBODY until he decides to just ignore me for reasons I am not aware of. Maybe he was busy and he actually had work to do. Hehe, that would be the most logical explanation. Or perhaps he was just mad at me, again, for reasons foreign to me and he decided to not talk to me ever again. We have a very mature correspondence, he and I.
No one is making any comments on my wonderful Tsotsi review. How disappointing.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Update on the Hothead Episode
So I did a pee test on Friday and it came out negative! Yay for me, no internal contamination!
Guess I am luckier than George Mason. =)
Guess I am luckier than George Mason. =)
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Talking your way to genuine connections
Increasingly, I'm starting to realize the true importance of good communication skills. In fact, it may well be my new religion. I really believe that it is a fine art to be able to express what you wish to express to another person and have the idea arrive safely and intact to that person's comprehension without tacking on extra baggage. More succinctly, how do you get your point across without the other person taking it the wrong way?
I don't think I have ever given this idea very careful thought until recently, nor did I properly respect the awesome potential that lies in good, effective communication. Truly, its powers should not be undermined.
On that note, I believe that emotionally delivered communication are ineffective at best, harmful at worst. You have to temper your emotion and harness it, use it to deliver a point more forcefully, but be sure to never overdo it. I've noticed that at my most emotional, my communication ability essentially implodes on itself and brawls, fistfights, and kapows generally follow (in the verbal sense of course). It is important to distance yourself from the emotional element in order to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings, as well as receive the message others are trying to send to you.
Now I realize of course that emotion is a part of the human essence and can not be exorcised like demons. But I have no patience for people who don't bother controlling their emotions, on a daily basis. Yes, it's okay to cry at funerals, that doesn't make you an overly emotional sap. But it's not okay to fly out in a rage at the people close to you on a daily basis because you're just an "emotional" person. Get a grip seriously, for both your own sanity and others around you. (and no, I'm not referring to anyone in particular, this is just an example)
As for me, I think I used to be the type of person who doesn't bother to communicate her feelings to others if it takes too much trouble. I would just retreat into my own little world and emerge again when I am alright again. I think part of my admittedly slow human development process is that, I am starting to take a different tack now. I am literally a different person than I was 10 years ago even. I am more assertive. I would speak up now. I don't know if I have mastered the ability to always calmly and effectively express my feelings to others, that is my personal mount olympic to conquer perhaps. But at least, I have isolated a singular goal to work towards. And in the end, at least I can count that as a measure of progress in better communication skills.
I don't think I have ever given this idea very careful thought until recently, nor did I properly respect the awesome potential that lies in good, effective communication. Truly, its powers should not be undermined.
On that note, I believe that emotionally delivered communication are ineffective at best, harmful at worst. You have to temper your emotion and harness it, use it to deliver a point more forcefully, but be sure to never overdo it. I've noticed that at my most emotional, my communication ability essentially implodes on itself and brawls, fistfights, and kapows generally follow (in the verbal sense of course). It is important to distance yourself from the emotional element in order to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings, as well as receive the message others are trying to send to you.
Now I realize of course that emotion is a part of the human essence and can not be exorcised like demons. But I have no patience for people who don't bother controlling their emotions, on a daily basis. Yes, it's okay to cry at funerals, that doesn't make you an overly emotional sap. But it's not okay to fly out in a rage at the people close to you on a daily basis because you're just an "emotional" person. Get a grip seriously, for both your own sanity and others around you. (and no, I'm not referring to anyone in particular, this is just an example)
As for me, I think I used to be the type of person who doesn't bother to communicate her feelings to others if it takes too much trouble. I would just retreat into my own little world and emerge again when I am alright again. I think part of my admittedly slow human development process is that, I am starting to take a different tack now. I am literally a different person than I was 10 years ago even. I am more assertive. I would speak up now. I don't know if I have mastered the ability to always calmly and effectively express my feelings to others, that is my personal mount olympic to conquer perhaps. But at least, I have isolated a singular goal to work towards. And in the end, at least I can count that as a measure of progress in better communication skills.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
24, Season IV
After a week of being good, I slid very easily back into full blown couch potato mode. I just watched three episodes of 24 back to back. Since I don't want to give away spoilers, I'll just list some of the truly satisfying highlights of the last three episodes.
1. The leader of the most powerful country in the world shows serious human flaws, understandable and entirely reasonable, given the circumstance. Not everyone can be superhuman like Bauer after all. I just want to know why his face seems so malleable. It reminds me of the wrinkled skinned dog, can't remember its name.
2. For once some girls get in on the action and we see a CTU agent kicking butt other than Jack. Also, bullet-proofed windows are great, wish I had those.
3. Marwan is an evil genius but he is so intelligent that he commands respect. And he's pretty hot for a terrorist. =)
4. Some ordinary peopple got embroiled in the action and that was cool too because it made the audience feel like they too can at any time, at any place, suddenly be caught in the thrill of the CTU hunt. In any case, that's what I thought with the Jason and Kelly episode.
5. Aaah old faces and old friends. It appears like Season IV is slowly reverting back to Season III again. More like the CTU I've come to know and love.
More later. Going to be "bad" for one more hour. Hehe...
1. The leader of the most powerful country in the world shows serious human flaws, understandable and entirely reasonable, given the circumstance. Not everyone can be superhuman like Bauer after all. I just want to know why his face seems so malleable. It reminds me of the wrinkled skinned dog, can't remember its name.
2. For once some girls get in on the action and we see a CTU agent kicking butt other than Jack. Also, bullet-proofed windows are great, wish I had those.
3. Marwan is an evil genius but he is so intelligent that he commands respect. And he's pretty hot for a terrorist. =)
4. Some ordinary peopple got embroiled in the action and that was cool too because it made the audience feel like they too can at any time, at any place, suddenly be caught in the thrill of the CTU hunt. In any case, that's what I thought with the Jason and Kelly episode.
5. Aaah old faces and old friends. It appears like Season IV is slowly reverting back to Season III again. More like the CTU I've come to know and love.
More later. Going to be "bad" for one more hour. Hehe...
Friday, March 17, 2006
Hothead Emily
So yesterday, about 15 minutes before the end of the day, I had to inject a small dye into my radioactive samples. I had nine samples to work with and things went pretty smoothly for the first six samples. When I got to number seven, as I was pipetting the dye into the sample, I noticed with annoyance that the dye was somehow stuck in the pipette tip. At this point, the smart thing to do was to dispose the pipette tip anyway into the waste container, because the tip has already touched the sample and was considered "hot." Did Emily choose the smart and logical course of action? Nope. Her basal neurological functions took over and by sheer brute force, she thought she could shake the dye down the tip of the pipette. Instead, what happened was the pipette tip popped off and the dye went kersplat!!! everywhere. Suddenly, the area I was working at suffered a first degree contamination and became the hot zone.
Very meekly and very apologetically, I told my mentor my snafoo. He told me to not move and proceeded to methodically check every surface with the geiger counter detector. For those unfamiliar, it's like any other detectors, but it is supposed to sniff out radioactivity. When it detects a high level of radioactivity, it gives off repeated high pitched shrieks, literally the detector is screaming at you "contamination!" in loud jarring tones.
So we ran the detectors over the surfaces and the detector went berserk. So we had to clean everything in the area. Then, my mentor said, check yourself. I ran the detector over myself and my lab coat was hot. So the mentor told me to ease off the coat and he promptly threw it away. Then I continued to run the detector over myself and it was okay until it reached my HEAD. Then the detector went nuts over me again. Disbelieving, I moved the detector away from my head - nothing, intermittent beeps at best. Move it back to my head: shrieks somewhat similar to those of Harry Potter's Mandrakes. Bad, bad news indeed.
My mentor was suddenly on the phone, calling all relevant people. The radiation safety people, the lab chief etc. My boss, the lab chief, came back to the lab as soon as she found out, armed with Suave shampoo and a truly good sense of humor. The next 30 minutes was spent wiping my head down with wet towels (which actually did take alot of the radioactivity off) and then dumped a quart of Suave on my head. I couldn't help giggling during the truly bizarre situation I found myself in. What a great Suave commercial that would have made. Then I went home and took a shower, washing my head copiously with water and soap. Told my family and promptly freaked everyone out. Told Jason, got yelled at for half an hour for being careless. Then called it a night.
Very meekly and very apologetically, I told my mentor my snafoo. He told me to not move and proceeded to methodically check every surface with the geiger counter detector. For those unfamiliar, it's like any other detectors, but it is supposed to sniff out radioactivity. When it detects a high level of radioactivity, it gives off repeated high pitched shrieks, literally the detector is screaming at you "contamination!" in loud jarring tones.
So we ran the detectors over the surfaces and the detector went berserk. So we had to clean everything in the area. Then, my mentor said, check yourself. I ran the detector over myself and my lab coat was hot. So the mentor told me to ease off the coat and he promptly threw it away. Then I continued to run the detector over myself and it was okay until it reached my HEAD. Then the detector went nuts over me again. Disbelieving, I moved the detector away from my head - nothing, intermittent beeps at best. Move it back to my head: shrieks somewhat similar to those of Harry Potter's Mandrakes. Bad, bad news indeed.
My mentor was suddenly on the phone, calling all relevant people. The radiation safety people, the lab chief etc. My boss, the lab chief, came back to the lab as soon as she found out, armed with Suave shampoo and a truly good sense of humor. The next 30 minutes was spent wiping my head down with wet towels (which actually did take alot of the radioactivity off) and then dumped a quart of Suave on my head. I couldn't help giggling during the truly bizarre situation I found myself in. What a great Suave commercial that would have made. Then I went home and took a shower, washing my head copiously with water and soap. Told my family and promptly freaked everyone out. Told Jason, got yelled at for half an hour for being careless. Then called it a night.
Re: Coming of Age
Sapphire_Gal's comments --
Sometimes, I wonder if we actually improve because of experience. Well, I could understand you can get better at certain things, like playing soccer or doing math. In the realm of relationships, does one actually learn from experience? The easy answer is "yes," but let's say if you meet the "right" person the first time around, that you guys are compatible and there's no need to round off the rough edges, does having experience really matter or benefit your relationship?
__________________________
So I would just like to say that my point wasn't really that learning would ultimately improve or benefit your relationships. Of course there is that live and learn element and you can't easily disregard that learning curve and how it applies to all areas of your life. I was really just saying that in the end, you can't take anything with you. You can not take your money with you, you can not take your loved ones with you. Each moment that passes is another moment gone by, you can not even hold on to any one moment. So what do you really have? You have your experiences, in the form of memories. You have your thoughts to hold on to. I know this is all rather metaphysical and overly contemplative. But at the end of one's life, the only pronouncement one can say is, "I existed once."
Sometimes, I wonder if we actually improve because of experience. Well, I could understand you can get better at certain things, like playing soccer or doing math. In the realm of relationships, does one actually learn from experience? The easy answer is "yes," but let's say if you meet the "right" person the first time around, that you guys are compatible and there's no need to round off the rough edges, does having experience really matter or benefit your relationship?
__________________________
So I would just like to say that my point wasn't really that learning would ultimately improve or benefit your relationships. Of course there is that live and learn element and you can't easily disregard that learning curve and how it applies to all areas of your life. I was really just saying that in the end, you can't take anything with you. You can not take your money with you, you can not take your loved ones with you. Each moment that passes is another moment gone by, you can not even hold on to any one moment. So what do you really have? You have your experiences, in the form of memories. You have your thoughts to hold on to. I know this is all rather metaphysical and overly contemplative. But at the end of one's life, the only pronouncement one can say is, "I existed once."
Being told you look tired
I remember back in college I once looked at this girl, an acquaintance of mine, and then told her quite sincerely, "You looked tired." I meant it nicely, not necessarily out of concern, but really an effort to make conversation. Apparently I have the social graces a la Chloe from 24, because she immediately assumed a wry grimace and replied, "Thanks" in an over the top sarcastic way. I was honestly puzzled. I think I must have shrugged it off at the time but I realize belatedly that she must have took it as an insult. Apparently being told that you look tired is code for "you look like a putrid wart today."
On another somewhat related branch, I think girls in general are more sensitive to both insults and compliments. The slightest thing can leave a girl fuming for days and a word of praise can also leave her feeling light and happy for quite a while too. This may be due to the fact that girls are in general more empathetic creatures and thus are more sensitive to other people's thoughts. Boys are no less sensitive to insults/praises but only after they are able to discern that it was indeed an insult or a praise, as sometimes they may miss the subtlety of a remark. I know this is not true of every guy out there, but most guys I've met required communication to be spelled out in big bold letters for them to get it.
So back to the topic at hand, after realizing the social connotations of that phrase, I rarely ever remark to any girl, certainly not to people I'm not close to that they look tired. I would only say it to my family and close friends and then, only because well, because it's the truth. So this incident, though minute in itself gave me pause ever since, whenever that type of exchange occurs in my life. I remember last year this guy mentioned to me, "Hey, you look better these days. More rested and energetic. As opposed to before." Dude! Excuse me? When exactly are we talking about when we say "before"? So he proceeded to explain and dug himself deeper and deeper into a hole, "Well ah, you just looked really tired back in September and just didn't look like you reached your full potential, you just looked like you could look better than you did." blah blah blah. Huh...and here I thought, I was Miss Gorgeous every day of my pretty little life. SO much for that illusion.
On another somewhat related branch, I think girls in general are more sensitive to both insults and compliments. The slightest thing can leave a girl fuming for days and a word of praise can also leave her feeling light and happy for quite a while too. This may be due to the fact that girls are in general more empathetic creatures and thus are more sensitive to other people's thoughts. Boys are no less sensitive to insults/praises but only after they are able to discern that it was indeed an insult or a praise, as sometimes they may miss the subtlety of a remark. I know this is not true of every guy out there, but most guys I've met required communication to be spelled out in big bold letters for them to get it.
So back to the topic at hand, after realizing the social connotations of that phrase, I rarely ever remark to any girl, certainly not to people I'm not close to that they look tired. I would only say it to my family and close friends and then, only because well, because it's the truth. So this incident, though minute in itself gave me pause ever since, whenever that type of exchange occurs in my life. I remember last year this guy mentioned to me, "Hey, you look better these days. More rested and energetic. As opposed to before." Dude! Excuse me? When exactly are we talking about when we say "before"? So he proceeded to explain and dug himself deeper and deeper into a hole, "Well ah, you just looked really tired back in September and just didn't look like you reached your full potential, you just looked like you could look better than you did." blah blah blah. Huh...and here I thought, I was Miss Gorgeous every day of my pretty little life. SO much for that illusion.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Coming of Age
In general, it is easy to go through life not really thinking about the passage of time, unless you were feeling unusually philosophic on a given day. However it is easy to notice how far you've come in maturity when you encounter a younger person's thoughts through either conversation or blog.
Recently I stumbled upon a blog by a complete stranger to me. It was overly sappy, ridiculously emotional, gushing on and on about love and life and true deep feelings. That's when I thought to myself, this must be written by some school girl. Similarly, I read some random guy's xanga and he was waxing sadly about loneliness and hurt and isolation - typical teenage angst. I thought he was both young and a loser to boot. What especially aroused my disdain about this guy's blog was that he absolutely despises his girlfriend and repeatedly said so on his blog. I don't really know why he doesn't just stop seeing her then, instead of going on a hate rampage on the girl he is supposedly in a relationship with. Ah, the irrationality of youth.
It is true...things hold so much more significance to a younger person than it does to an older, jaded person, such as yours truly. I think if I were to go back and read my diaries as a young girl, it would make me positively squeamish with all my sentimental declarations, emotional outpourings and tunnel-visioned perspective on life. I think about the boy that in high school used to dominate 75% of my thoughts and I can't help but scoff at the silliness of it all. I look at the 17-19 yr old boys today and I think, overgrown toddlers! Babies! All of them. Even boys in their early 20's are really maybe two steps away from diaperhood.
But that leads us to an interesting exploration of the word "maturity". Exactly what does it mean? To my parents, maturity equates with "dong shi" or "to understand matters." What it really translates to is that I would be willing to work 24/7 to help out around the house, that I would take on all the tasks that I can conceivably take on and be a competent caretaker of affairs, a butler-daughter. More important than the actual execution of said tasks is the fact that I should have the mentality of "I am now grown up so I need to take care of business." So according to my parents, I am still very immature, "bu dong shi" as evidenced by the other night when I casually remarked, "Wow, that girl cooked meals for her family at the age of 4??" and my father says, "Emily, many people are very dong shi, you know." Which made me wonder if that was a pointed remark and not so subtle jab at the fact that i'm just a lazy cat.
However maturity to me doesn't mean exactly what my parents mean, not that I'm saying I'm oh so mature. I think maturity means that you gain a clearer understanding of the world and that you are able to laugh at the folly of it, both at yourself and at the environment in which you live in. You are able to see and put things in perspective. If you are angry, you have the ability to take a step back and understand why you are angry, what ticks you off and why. You can analyze yourself and you can have greater control over your emotions, your decisions and your actions.
I once heard this in a lecture and it's a statement I heartily agree with,"Life is about learning. We all come to this Earth and we have this one shot at living. All living is just experiencing, that is all we can say we ever possessed: the experience of having lived."
Recently I stumbled upon a blog by a complete stranger to me. It was overly sappy, ridiculously emotional, gushing on and on about love and life and true deep feelings. That's when I thought to myself, this must be written by some school girl. Similarly, I read some random guy's xanga and he was waxing sadly about loneliness and hurt and isolation - typical teenage angst. I thought he was both young and a loser to boot. What especially aroused my disdain about this guy's blog was that he absolutely despises his girlfriend and repeatedly said so on his blog. I don't really know why he doesn't just stop seeing her then, instead of going on a hate rampage on the girl he is supposedly in a relationship with. Ah, the irrationality of youth.
It is true...things hold so much more significance to a younger person than it does to an older, jaded person, such as yours truly. I think if I were to go back and read my diaries as a young girl, it would make me positively squeamish with all my sentimental declarations, emotional outpourings and tunnel-visioned perspective on life. I think about the boy that in high school used to dominate 75% of my thoughts and I can't help but scoff at the silliness of it all. I look at the 17-19 yr old boys today and I think, overgrown toddlers! Babies! All of them. Even boys in their early 20's are really maybe two steps away from diaperhood.
But that leads us to an interesting exploration of the word "maturity". Exactly what does it mean? To my parents, maturity equates with "dong shi" or "to understand matters." What it really translates to is that I would be willing to work 24/7 to help out around the house, that I would take on all the tasks that I can conceivably take on and be a competent caretaker of affairs, a butler-daughter. More important than the actual execution of said tasks is the fact that I should have the mentality of "I am now grown up so I need to take care of business." So according to my parents, I am still very immature, "bu dong shi" as evidenced by the other night when I casually remarked, "Wow, that girl cooked meals for her family at the age of 4??" and my father says, "Emily, many people are very dong shi, you know." Which made me wonder if that was a pointed remark and not so subtle jab at the fact that i'm just a lazy cat.
However maturity to me doesn't mean exactly what my parents mean, not that I'm saying I'm oh so mature. I think maturity means that you gain a clearer understanding of the world and that you are able to laugh at the folly of it, both at yourself and at the environment in which you live in. You are able to see and put things in perspective. If you are angry, you have the ability to take a step back and understand why you are angry, what ticks you off and why. You can analyze yourself and you can have greater control over your emotions, your decisions and your actions.
I once heard this in a lecture and it's a statement I heartily agree with,"Life is about learning. We all come to this Earth and we have this one shot at living. All living is just experiencing, that is all we can say we ever possessed: the experience of having lived."
Top 10 things to keep in mind when meeting Emily's parents
Top 20 Things to Keep in Mind when Visiting Emily's Parents
1. Always greet Parents by Mr. and Mrs. Yen. Always. Each and Every time you meet said parents.
2. Before leaving the table (either breakfast, lunch or dinner) always tell hosts politely that you are leaving to do whatever it is you need to do. Never just stand up and leave, without so much as a word of communication.
3. Make sure you bring your plate/bowl and utensils to the sink. Offer to help wash just to kiss up, because you know they would never let you do it anyway.
4. Smile and look at them in the eyes as a gesture of friendliness. Do not give in to the temptation of looking at your feet and study the dirt on your socks. Not a good impression to make.
5. Always thank the parents politely after a meal shared together, because as hosts, they will either be treating you at a restaurant or hosting you at home. Thank them and tell them the food was good.
6. Make an effort to engage in conversation. Even in broken Chinese. Apologize with puppy eyes about how you need to practice more on it. However they will forgive you for the effort you make.
7. When visiting and staying over at someone's place (particularly if they are Chinese and of the older generation) be sure to bring a token gift as gesture of your appreciation and goodwill. It can be fruit, flowers, or wine. Keep it simple. Practically anything will do.
8. Talk about me once in a while. Show them that you actually know who you are dating. Say good things of course. Or as conversation starter, you can say, "Emily tells me this...blah blah blah" This shows that you pay attention and remember what is said. Double bonus.
9. When leaving, always make sure you leave the place in the same way you found it - immaculate. Make the bed, clear off any debris. Make sure no trash is littering the floor.
10. Say goodbye, thank them politely, smile, look them in the eyes, say their names, say you had a wonderful time and you hope to be able to visit them again. KISS UP as best as you know how.
1. Always greet Parents by Mr. and Mrs. Yen. Always. Each and Every time you meet said parents.
2. Before leaving the table (either breakfast, lunch or dinner) always tell hosts politely that you are leaving to do whatever it is you need to do. Never just stand up and leave, without so much as a word of communication.
3. Make sure you bring your plate/bowl and utensils to the sink. Offer to help wash just to kiss up, because you know they would never let you do it anyway.
4. Smile and look at them in the eyes as a gesture of friendliness. Do not give in to the temptation of looking at your feet and study the dirt on your socks. Not a good impression to make.
5. Always thank the parents politely after a meal shared together, because as hosts, they will either be treating you at a restaurant or hosting you at home. Thank them and tell them the food was good.
6. Make an effort to engage in conversation. Even in broken Chinese. Apologize with puppy eyes about how you need to practice more on it. However they will forgive you for the effort you make.
7. When visiting and staying over at someone's place (particularly if they are Chinese and of the older generation) be sure to bring a token gift as gesture of your appreciation and goodwill. It can be fruit, flowers, or wine. Keep it simple. Practically anything will do.
8. Talk about me once in a while. Show them that you actually know who you are dating. Say good things of course. Or as conversation starter, you can say, "Emily tells me this...blah blah blah" This shows that you pay attention and remember what is said. Double bonus.
9. When leaving, always make sure you leave the place in the same way you found it - immaculate. Make the bed, clear off any debris. Make sure no trash is littering the floor.
10. Say goodbye, thank them politely, smile, look them in the eyes, say their names, say you had a wonderful time and you hope to be able to visit them again. KISS UP as best as you know how.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
The importance of self-regard
Amelie posted an article that brings to light a certain unalienable fact about human nature. We all want to think the world revolves around us and that we matter.
Click here to read it
Let's play devil's advocate. Suppose we all believe that we don't matter. Our ideas, our voice, our thoughts are not important and no one cares about us. No one loves us. No one could bother with us. Then what will we have? Clinical depression and suicidal tendencies, most likely.
But in reality, it's true that we do not matter as much as we would like to think. What is the worth of a life? Senseless destruction of lives in the Middle East (and many other places too of course) forces you confront the reality, at least in parts of the world, that life isn't really worth all that much. Anyone that can convince you that you should blow yourself up has convinced you that your corporeal existence doesn't matter, at least in comparison to the heavenly existence that awaits you.
So, as Confucius says, "Keep to the middle ground and stay the course." In other words, be aware that you are only as important as you would like to think you are, but that it's okay to view yourself as important. If you won't, who will?
Click here to read it
Let's play devil's advocate. Suppose we all believe that we don't matter. Our ideas, our voice, our thoughts are not important and no one cares about us. No one loves us. No one could bother with us. Then what will we have? Clinical depression and suicidal tendencies, most likely.
But in reality, it's true that we do not matter as much as we would like to think. What is the worth of a life? Senseless destruction of lives in the Middle East (and many other places too of course) forces you confront the reality, at least in parts of the world, that life isn't really worth all that much. Anyone that can convince you that you should blow yourself up has convinced you that your corporeal existence doesn't matter, at least in comparison to the heavenly existence that awaits you.
So, as Confucius says, "Keep to the middle ground and stay the course." In other words, be aware that you are only as important as you would like to think you are, but that it's okay to view yourself as important. If you won't, who will?
Monday, March 13, 2006
Putting things in perspective
Some say that happiness is over-rated. Others believe that the end goal of life is not happiness. I guess I am not one of them. I firmly believe that one's life must be in pursuit of happiness. However, I should clarify that happiness does not equate to pleasure, as I had once believed when I was younger.
I had a conversation with a friend that put things in perspective for me. At the end of the day, you have to make choices that allow you to view yourself in a satisfied manner, to be at peace with both yourself and the world. How do you tell if you've reached that point? If you can truly be happy for others. If you are feeling shitty about yourself, feeling like a total loser, you won't and you can't feel good about other people, you won't be able to revel in their good fortune (it's just human nature perhaps?)
When I was younger, I was not sure about what I wanted. Now, as I have gotten older, my vision of what I want has solidified, crystallized by my environment, my self-reflections and those reflected from the people around me. I want to climb the peak known as achievement, to meet and succeed challenges in my path, to make the hard choices when an easier one tempts me, to persevere despite being the sole, lonely last runner in the marathon.
So all this is just a more convoluted way of saying, Emily will redouble her efforts to study! There, it's in print and my word is now bound in the written form. Hold me to my word, guys. =)
I had a conversation with a friend that put things in perspective for me. At the end of the day, you have to make choices that allow you to view yourself in a satisfied manner, to be at peace with both yourself and the world. How do you tell if you've reached that point? If you can truly be happy for others. If you are feeling shitty about yourself, feeling like a total loser, you won't and you can't feel good about other people, you won't be able to revel in their good fortune (it's just human nature perhaps?)
When I was younger, I was not sure about what I wanted. Now, as I have gotten older, my vision of what I want has solidified, crystallized by my environment, my self-reflections and those reflected from the people around me. I want to climb the peak known as achievement, to meet and succeed challenges in my path, to make the hard choices when an easier one tempts me, to persevere despite being the sole, lonely last runner in the marathon.
So all this is just a more convoluted way of saying, Emily will redouble her efforts to study! There, it's in print and my word is now bound in the written form. Hold me to my word, guys. =)
Friday, March 10, 2006
Last night's dream
Last night I had a strange bizarro dream. Everything felt very real and that's why it was scary.
I dreamt that my face split open from my forehead to my chin. There was just this huge gaping crack in the middle of my face. Red pulsating tissue inside. I quickly put my hands on each of my cheeks and pushed it back together. I then went to my parents and asked my mom to sew it back together. For some reason, although of course I was perturbed by my face being essentially bissected, I was more worried about the pain of the needle even more.
My mother on the other hand seemed relatively unconcerned. She's like, Oh, I'll get to it when I get to it.
What??? This is my FACE being split into two.
Then soon thereafter, my face melded into two again. Except now there was a fault line down the middle, like the line left by an earthquake. My face is now the geography of very dry arid land.
I woke up this morning and when I remembered my dream, I had to touch my face quickly to make sure it was not happening for real.
I dreamt that my face split open from my forehead to my chin. There was just this huge gaping crack in the middle of my face. Red pulsating tissue inside. I quickly put my hands on each of my cheeks and pushed it back together. I then went to my parents and asked my mom to sew it back together. For some reason, although of course I was perturbed by my face being essentially bissected, I was more worried about the pain of the needle even more.
My mother on the other hand seemed relatively unconcerned. She's like, Oh, I'll get to it when I get to it.
What??? This is my FACE being split into two.
Then soon thereafter, my face melded into two again. Except now there was a fault line down the middle, like the line left by an earthquake. My face is now the geography of very dry arid land.
I woke up this morning and when I remembered my dream, I had to touch my face quickly to make sure it was not happening for real.
Revisiting Freudian Theories
So as much of a joke as Freud has become in modern day culture, there is no denying the major influence that his theories have had on our lives.
From these audio lectures I've been playing, I recently and finally understand the distinction between the Id, the Ego, and the Superego.
Let me put it in the simple terms that I understand it to be. The Id is the essence of your unconscious mind, the psychic energy that drives your most primal desires. Hunger, sex, and arguably, the need for love and affection - basic desires of any human being.
Now, I mentioned psychic energy - and energy is defined in physics as the ability to do work - but in Freudian terms, it is the drive, the means to satisfy those desires. Have you ever really really desired to have something and just thinking about it induces a rush of emotion, even violence in your being? That's the psychic energy rearing its presence, or in Freudian terms, the libido.
What then is the Ego? It is the part of us that deals with the external world and the reality of the situation. For instance, if we are in the same room as a person that thoroughly disgusts us, and we have to fight the urge to slap the person silly, the part in us that resists that internal urge is the Ego holding us back. The Ego is the awareness of the external reality and is often the voice of reason.
What then is the Superego? It is the part of us that reaches even higher idealizations and forms a mental, a psychological ideal of ourselves, the perfect being that we wish to strive to be. It is that person that we know we want to be but also realize that we are not there yet.
Freud concludes that a well adjusted human being is able to use his Ego as the mediator between the Id and the Superego, forming a perfect balance, resolving any conflicts between the Id and the Superego.
Now, all this may have been rather dry, but it is truly fascinating when you think about how it may apply to your own life. For me, I believe for instance that my Id is always telling me, you want to watch 24. You want to kick back and relax and lose yourself in Jack Bauer's world. My SuperEgo tells me, You SLACKER! Get back to work and study the science passages. You should have no thought at all of rest and recreation. (Sometimes my boyfriend and my Superego merges into one). Then there is my rational calm Ego attempting the peace negotiations. You can study for X number of hours and reward yourself with one episode of 24. There there, everyone happy?
Sometimes there are too many voices in my head and it just gets too crowded and noisy. But where will you go to escape yourself?
From these audio lectures I've been playing, I recently and finally understand the distinction between the Id, the Ego, and the Superego.
Let me put it in the simple terms that I understand it to be. The Id is the essence of your unconscious mind, the psychic energy that drives your most primal desires. Hunger, sex, and arguably, the need for love and affection - basic desires of any human being.
Now, I mentioned psychic energy - and energy is defined in physics as the ability to do work - but in Freudian terms, it is the drive, the means to satisfy those desires. Have you ever really really desired to have something and just thinking about it induces a rush of emotion, even violence in your being? That's the psychic energy rearing its presence, or in Freudian terms, the libido.
What then is the Ego? It is the part of us that deals with the external world and the reality of the situation. For instance, if we are in the same room as a person that thoroughly disgusts us, and we have to fight the urge to slap the person silly, the part in us that resists that internal urge is the Ego holding us back. The Ego is the awareness of the external reality and is often the voice of reason.
What then is the Superego? It is the part of us that reaches even higher idealizations and forms a mental, a psychological ideal of ourselves, the perfect being that we wish to strive to be. It is that person that we know we want to be but also realize that we are not there yet.
Freud concludes that a well adjusted human being is able to use his Ego as the mediator between the Id and the Superego, forming a perfect balance, resolving any conflicts between the Id and the Superego.
Now, all this may have been rather dry, but it is truly fascinating when you think about how it may apply to your own life. For me, I believe for instance that my Id is always telling me, you want to watch 24. You want to kick back and relax and lose yourself in Jack Bauer's world. My SuperEgo tells me, You SLACKER! Get back to work and study the science passages. You should have no thought at all of rest and recreation. (Sometimes my boyfriend and my Superego merges into one). Then there is my rational calm Ego attempting the peace negotiations. You can study for X number of hours and reward yourself with one episode of 24. There there, everyone happy?
Sometimes there are too many voices in my head and it just gets too crowded and noisy. But where will you go to escape yourself?
Thursday, March 09, 2006
More Minutiae from Emily's life
What was the first thing Emily did when she woke up this cloudy Thursday morning? She plops on the sofa like it's any Saturday evening and watches an episode of 24. What a joy to greet the world after having the show vicariously pump adrenaline in your body! I'm now convinced that this is the only way I should start my day.
Jack Bauer personifies the adage "the ends justifies the means." I realize that if the strength of your conviction is strong enough, that is, if you are morally convicted that what you are doing is the RIGHT thing to do, if the power of that belief is strong enough, you can get away with anything. That is the take home lesson of the day for me.
In other news, I recently got an email from my ex with an Interesting link promising footage of him dancing with another member of the XY species. HMMMMM....now I've always known that he was an open-minded fella. Yet this begs the speculation and adds a sudden, more interesting twist to his story. I am actually intrigued. Or I guess at the very least, it would be inappropriate to label him as a "h-phobe" any longer. He has passed that test, for sure.
Oh yes, I am very happy with Ang Lee's victory as director. To be sure, this is a 4-day belated news, but i still want to publically acknowledge it. He deserved it. I mean, Steven Speilberg does NOT need three trophies to line his mantel. In fact, once you earn it once, you should really let others have their chance. Steven Speilberg can get his lifetime acheivement award next, that's fine by me, but he definitely should not even have been nominated a third time.
Lastly, I find myself daydreaming far more often than is appropriate about the type of person I should be and not enough time doing it. I have romanticized the whole idea of self-perfection to a degree you will not believe. it's all rosey and tinted until the going gets tough and then, I wilt back in the face of exhaustion. Something must be done about this. People around me are getting antsy and that's starting to feed the flames of anxiety in me too. How long will I continue this cruel self-indulgence?
Jack Bauer personifies the adage "the ends justifies the means." I realize that if the strength of your conviction is strong enough, that is, if you are morally convicted that what you are doing is the RIGHT thing to do, if the power of that belief is strong enough, you can get away with anything. That is the take home lesson of the day for me.
In other news, I recently got an email from my ex with an Interesting link promising footage of him dancing with another member of the XY species. HMMMMM....now I've always known that he was an open-minded fella. Yet this begs the speculation and adds a sudden, more interesting twist to his story. I am actually intrigued. Or I guess at the very least, it would be inappropriate to label him as a "h-phobe" any longer. He has passed that test, for sure.
Oh yes, I am very happy with Ang Lee's victory as director. To be sure, this is a 4-day belated news, but i still want to publically acknowledge it. He deserved it. I mean, Steven Speilberg does NOT need three trophies to line his mantel. In fact, once you earn it once, you should really let others have their chance. Steven Speilberg can get his lifetime acheivement award next, that's fine by me, but he definitely should not even have been nominated a third time.
Lastly, I find myself daydreaming far more often than is appropriate about the type of person I should be and not enough time doing it. I have romanticized the whole idea of self-perfection to a degree you will not believe. it's all rosey and tinted until the going gets tough and then, I wilt back in the face of exhaustion. Something must be done about this. People around me are getting antsy and that's starting to feed the flames of anxiety in me too. How long will I continue this cruel self-indulgence?
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Two years ago today
my grandfather Han Gong-xia passed away. He was much loved by everyone not because he was dapper and charismatic, not because he was supremely intelligent and erudite, nor because he impressed everyone with his fame, wealth and social status.
Yet to me, he has long stood for all that is good and decent in a human being. He was hard-working and dedicated, in everything that he did. He was a loving father, a responsble husband and a jovial, energetic and lovable Grandfather.
I am very proud of where I came from, in large part due to him. He has many qualities that to this day, I still aim to emulate, to strive for. Some time ago, I made a few pages in dedication of him and his life. I wish to share it here again.
Grandpa Han
Yet to me, he has long stood for all that is good and decent in a human being. He was hard-working and dedicated, in everything that he did. He was a loving father, a responsble husband and a jovial, energetic and lovable Grandfather.
I am very proud of where I came from, in large part due to him. He has many qualities that to this day, I still aim to emulate, to strive for. Some time ago, I made a few pages in dedication of him and his life. I wish to share it here again.
Grandpa Han
Clutter!
I realize the act of cleaning one's desk and clearing away paperwork is a very powerful act of renewal. Each time I do it, I feel I have cleansed my soul and that I have put my life in order.
Maybe I am somewhat neurotic after all. I have always thought quite proudly that I was cool as a clam, immune to the stresses and anxieties that other mere mortals succumb to. But it seems that I have my Achilles' Heel too. I need to feel in ccntrol of certain things, and nothing is as satisfying as cleaning a large pile of paperwork and whittle it down to nothing.
Paperwork in and of itself is of course insignificant. What is significant is the thing they symbolize. Credit card bills - my spending habits, my monthly expenses, my psychological need for shopping, etc. Med school applications - self explanatory. Taxes, statements, insurance forms - life of the adult and the dreaded word: RESPONSIBILITY. So tackling paperwork usually forces me to reassess my adult life and see where I'm standing. It's a measure of how in control of my life I am, or not. It usually serves the purpose of making me more motivated too, since I now have that feeling of control, instead of powerlessness.
Really, cleaning paperwork, who knew it could be so powerful and therapeutic?
Maybe I am somewhat neurotic after all. I have always thought quite proudly that I was cool as a clam, immune to the stresses and anxieties that other mere mortals succumb to. But it seems that I have my Achilles' Heel too. I need to feel in ccntrol of certain things, and nothing is as satisfying as cleaning a large pile of paperwork and whittle it down to nothing.
Paperwork in and of itself is of course insignificant. What is significant is the thing they symbolize. Credit card bills - my spending habits, my monthly expenses, my psychological need for shopping, etc. Med school applications - self explanatory. Taxes, statements, insurance forms - life of the adult and the dreaded word: RESPONSIBILITY. So tackling paperwork usually forces me to reassess my adult life and see where I'm standing. It's a measure of how in control of my life I am, or not. It usually serves the purpose of making me more motivated too, since I now have that feeling of control, instead of powerlessness.
Really, cleaning paperwork, who knew it could be so powerful and therapeutic?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Apparently...
when Emily gets hot, it is REALLY hot.
Yesterday as I was meticulously plating various dilutions of cells on the plates, I had my bunsen burner fired up close by, the temperature of the lab was somewhere around 80 degrees F, and I had, oh, three layers of airtight, windbreaker style fabrics hugging my body. It was definitely getting a bit warm.
So, flushed and uncomfortable, I went to the bathroom and promptly removed two offending layers and emerged in a short sleeved top, free and easy and breezy.
Immediately the comments began to roll.
First, my mentor who sailed into the room from outside let out a "Whoa!" and then he said, "it's like a freakin' sauna in here." Then, he added, "And you know when you see EMILY in a tank top, that's saying something."
Fine fine, so one person makes a remark.
Then, my boss, the chief of the lab, whips around the corner to talk to one of the postdocs. Satisfied with whatever she had to tell him, she whips out again only to pop her head back into my corner and grins, going "Boy, must sure be hot when you see EMILY stripping down."
Then another coworker pipes in, "Yeah, YOU must be really cold-blooded!"
I smiled back at her weakly. Man oh man, what am I? A snake? The local eskimo girl? The Russian layer doll? Okay fine, I don't deal with the cold very well, but I am already made the butt of all cold jokes at home, it seems that I was not to be spared at work.
What annoyed me further was that I couldn't come up with something quick and witty to retort back. Yes, I am afraid of the cold. Feel free to use me as the room thermometer or some human litmus test of how hot it is.
All I could do was shrug and take comfort in the fact that at least I have nice arms to show off. Hahahaha.
Yesterday as I was meticulously plating various dilutions of cells on the plates, I had my bunsen burner fired up close by, the temperature of the lab was somewhere around 80 degrees F, and I had, oh, three layers of airtight, windbreaker style fabrics hugging my body. It was definitely getting a bit warm.
So, flushed and uncomfortable, I went to the bathroom and promptly removed two offending layers and emerged in a short sleeved top, free and easy and breezy.
Immediately the comments began to roll.
First, my mentor who sailed into the room from outside let out a "Whoa!" and then he said, "it's like a freakin' sauna in here." Then, he added, "And you know when you see EMILY in a tank top, that's saying something."
Fine fine, so one person makes a remark.
Then, my boss, the chief of the lab, whips around the corner to talk to one of the postdocs. Satisfied with whatever she had to tell him, she whips out again only to pop her head back into my corner and grins, going "Boy, must sure be hot when you see EMILY stripping down."
Then another coworker pipes in, "Yeah, YOU must be really cold-blooded!"
I smiled back at her weakly. Man oh man, what am I? A snake? The local eskimo girl? The Russian layer doll? Okay fine, I don't deal with the cold very well, but I am already made the butt of all cold jokes at home, it seems that I was not to be spared at work.
What annoyed me further was that I couldn't come up with something quick and witty to retort back. Yes, I am afraid of the cold. Feel free to use me as the room thermometer or some human litmus test of how hot it is.
All I could do was shrug and take comfort in the fact that at least I have nice arms to show off. Hahahaha.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Jaywalkers should learn newtonian physics
Today as I was driving down the narrow, altogether awful Wisconsin Avenue, I encountered a female pedestrian standing at the crosswalk, in the middle of the road. She looked like she wanted to charge across the road. The light turned green. We locked eyes. I glared at her, inwardly daring her to take one step out. She glared back, hating the fact that while she would go against me woman to woman at any other time, she doesn't really relish the visage of being flattened on the streets of Wisconsin, her limbs spewed in all four directions. I gunned down my car ferociously, and victoriously soared past her.
Having been a pedestrian myself many a times, I do recognize the heady temptation of just darting across the street, free and unencumbered, doing the little frogger thing. However my conscience is clear in that I have never deliberately set out to stop traffic by oh-so-casually sauntering across the road in the midst of oncoming traffic. Usually it's the decidedly less dignified scurrying of a mouse if I have to be quick about it.
I don't personally understand the psychology of jaywalkers. These insouciant devil-may-care airhead pedestrians who casually stroll across the road, crosswalk or no crosswalk, red light or no red light. The world is apparently their oyster. Did they think the forces of nature will all conspire to help them at that last critical moment? If the driver strives to come to a screeching halt in 2.5 seconds from an initial velocity of 35 mph, how far of a distance do they think the car will travel? Probably far enough to smear them nice and bloodily over some gravelled pavement on Rt. 355. Sure the driver is in no hurry to go share the jail cell with some italian mafioso and the local child molester, but the law of physics binds everyone. The law can't help you when you're six feet under.
That said, I probably should NOT have been so quick to floor my gas pedal either. Mini-Mom sitting on my right shoulder shakes her head at me reprovingly. Bad Emily. Bad bad emily.
Having been a pedestrian myself many a times, I do recognize the heady temptation of just darting across the street, free and unencumbered, doing the little frogger thing. However my conscience is clear in that I have never deliberately set out to stop traffic by oh-so-casually sauntering across the road in the midst of oncoming traffic. Usually it's the decidedly less dignified scurrying of a mouse if I have to be quick about it.
I don't personally understand the psychology of jaywalkers. These insouciant devil-may-care airhead pedestrians who casually stroll across the road, crosswalk or no crosswalk, red light or no red light. The world is apparently their oyster. Did they think the forces of nature will all conspire to help them at that last critical moment? If the driver strives to come to a screeching halt in 2.5 seconds from an initial velocity of 35 mph, how far of a distance do they think the car will travel? Probably far enough to smear them nice and bloodily over some gravelled pavement on Rt. 355. Sure the driver is in no hurry to go share the jail cell with some italian mafioso and the local child molester, but the law of physics binds everyone. The law can't help you when you're six feet under.
That said, I probably should NOT have been so quick to floor my gas pedal either. Mini-Mom sitting on my right shoulder shakes her head at me reprovingly. Bad Emily. Bad bad emily.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Wednesday: Day in progress
My task today is to set up various cell cultures plated on a medium with an antibiotic selector. I am working with three strains of bacteria, one normal and the other two are mutants. My experiment is to see at what concentration of cells grow best in a medium with the antibiotic. Sounds pretty simple right? Well it is, except for the fact that I have to do seven serial dilutions for each strain and plus, I am also testing it under conditions with and without a certain other ingredient. Sorry if I'm starting to sound like Alan Greenspan but this is definitely tedium infinito.
No further shallow and disdainful comments today on the latest episode of 24, because I haven't gotten around to it yet. I am discovering the simple joy of starting a forum and was very into setting it up last night with my good friend WWZ.
Was just pondering the question of what it means to be hypocritical. If there is something that you don't wish other people to do to you, but you wish to do yourself, is that a screaming neon flashing sign of hypocrisy? Or is it simply that you're being true to your human nature? I have always been very dutiful (in general) in abiding by the saying "Don't do onto others what you don't wish others to do onto you." So I suppose the simplistic conclusion is, if you were to do onto others what you don't wish others to do onto you, you are a "BAD" person and a "HYPOCRITE" to boot. My, what solemn judgments are thus pronounced.
But don't get me wrong...I may sound like I'm mocking the system, but I'm not. I am merely reflecting on it....
No further shallow and disdainful comments today on the latest episode of 24, because I haven't gotten around to it yet. I am discovering the simple joy of starting a forum and was very into setting it up last night with my good friend WWZ.
Was just pondering the question of what it means to be hypocritical. If there is something that you don't wish other people to do to you, but you wish to do yourself, is that a screaming neon flashing sign of hypocrisy? Or is it simply that you're being true to your human nature? I have always been very dutiful (in general) in abiding by the saying "Don't do onto others what you don't wish others to do onto you." So I suppose the simplistic conclusion is, if you were to do onto others what you don't wish others to do onto you, you are a "BAD" person and a "HYPOCRITE" to boot. My, what solemn judgments are thus pronounced.
But don't get me wrong...I may sound like I'm mocking the system, but I'm not. I am merely reflecting on it....
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