People often think I am a patient person, but they generally make the mistake of confusing patience with indifference. I will admit with complete honesty that I am indifferent to many things. What some people hold so near and dear to their hearts, I am either oblivious or nonchalant about. Example? My two coworkers who care so deeply and passionately about how well their kids do in school. I nod politely when listening, and meanwhile I’m drifting 300 miles away in my imaginary Cancun. So point number 1, I am an indifferent person. But why does that follow that I am an impatient person?
I notice that I am impatient because of my general greed for faster results in a short amount of time. I want whiter teeth – instantly. I want a more toned body – tomorrow. I want to be skilled at tennis – no more than 2 weeks from now! Everything is, I want it soon and I want it at minimal effort. Of course the logical side to me realizes the impracticality of such desires. And sometimes my greed gets the best of me and I am crushed with disappointment at how slow the progress is. So point #2, I am impatient.
Point #3, perhaps my indifference is linked to impatience. If I care more about getting those results, I would proceed with greater care and patience. I would laboriously apply myself to the tasks at hand and have the patience to see things through. Since life is never black and white, an example of what I did care about: going to medical school and then the patience I had to muster up to endure the long waiting game – well, I did get through it somehow and no nervous breakdowns to boot. =)
But anyway, ultimately, the point I really want to make is, in my own best interest and in the interests of those I will serve in the future, I should switch the two characterisitcs around. I’ve gotten my share of half teases/half complaints. Oh Emily, you’re a reptile, you cold-blooded thing. You have no emotion. You’re botox girl. You hide all your feelings. You don’t care about anything. You’re a whatever girl. Blah blah blah ad nauseum. Haha, true to my nature, I didn’t care all that much about all these little insinuations and snide remarks either. But if only…if only I can learn to temper my personality more. I would choose to slide myself down the gradient from being less caring to being more caring, and then from being less patient to being more patient. Now essentially I am preaching my own favorite gospel again – how to become a better person. If only I have the patience to see it through!
3 comments:
You have no discipline. Period. You want whiter teeth? Then don't forgo brushing your teeth every night no matter how tired you are. You want a better body? GO TO THE FREAKING GYM! You want to be better at tennis? Practice. You want to care more? Make yourself care instead of taking the lazy man's route and go "Oh, I'll start caring tomorrow". I've heard you preach all this crap about how you're going to do all these things. But in the end, it's just all talk. You do too much thinking and day dreaming and no enough taking action. Stop talking and start doing. It is then you will finally break free of your Angelaism.
i think patience, discipline, all these good things can be acquired via human effort. I don't think people are necessarily born with them. Wanting this is the first step. Then, the next is to have faith in yourself that you can cultivate them in you. Have the will to stick to what you say you'll do(e.g. your schedule); when you slip one time, forgive yourself, and keep trying. That's the only way. Of course, your effort should be sincere; since it's your own effort alone that will help you achieve it.
And one more thing, if you do meditation, this discipline will come relatively easy. Most of the struggle is really within one's own thoughts. It's the thoughts that make you feel burdened, or distracted, lacking will etc. If your mind is regulated, then the discipline comes naturally.
Ok Emily, don't be too harsh on yourself. I think one admirable trait that you have is that you have the desire to better yourself, which I'd say surpass many people in that respect.
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