Persuasion

I just spent the last three hours immersed in Jane Austen's last novel. Reading a romantic novel such as this always puts me in a pensive mood. I enjoyed the novel for its insights to the human heart, the intricacies of a woman in love complete with the full portrayal of insecurities, jealousies, cowardice, pining, subtlety of gestures and stealthy observations to satisfy one's many whimsical questions and curiosities.

I'm less satisfied with the portrayal of the men in the novel though, because they seem to be less complete, less abundantly and fully fleshed out.

But putting aside my inner literary critic, I want to talk at length about this thing called persuasion. It is true that people in positions of authority or are perceived wiser by virtue of their age or experience have the power of persuasion. They can greatly influence a less experienced person, to sway a person's way of thinking.

I'm often quite torn between the american ideals of independent thinking (self-reliance per Emerson) and following the well meaning advice of my elders, when they run contrary to my wishes. I've been told that I'm actually a very willful person, despite my laidback persona. I can't decide whether to be pleased or troubled by such an adjective. I suppose only time will tell, in a strictly practical manner, whether being willful leads to fruitful and abundant living or a joyless muck of an existence.

Such is my state of mind too when it comes to the subject of dating and marriage. It seems to me like everyone has their ideas of what would be "good" for me. I sometimes find myself wondering whether or not I truly know what's best for me. Will I be a silly foolish woman, running after the appearance of true love only to find out that it's an empty facade? Will I be a smart thinking individual, with both feet planted solidly on the ground and approach the problem from multiple angles? As I'm getting ready to embrace the twilight zone of my 20's, I have to admit that being more cautious, being more wary, being more cognizant of various factors play a bigger and bigger role. Gone are my impulsive and happy go lucky college days when I'm not capable of thinking beyond a year in advance. I think I've now progressed to at least thinking 4-5 years in advance. All this thinking though, based mostly on wonderings and endless musings, have been more than a little wearisome.

When being somewhat tired or restless, my inner houdini kicks into high gear and I think with much relish to the summer when I can take a nice long trip to anywhere in the world really, but most likely asia. I would like at least part of the trip to be a solitary sojourn, for me to travel the world, fancy myself a character in a fairy tale (to seek her fortunes in the world) and hopefully to learn more about myself at the end of the trip, or gain some pearls of wisdom through various encounters along the way.