The Diet Coke Story

This afternoon, seized as I was by a sudden attack of thirst, I fumbled through my wallet for change. The machine was finicky about the dollar bill and has been known to swallow the paper and then go into a bill induced coma, unresponsive to all kicking and screaming by the frustrated consumer.

So, being ever so clever, I scrounged up a dollar and walked around the lab to ask for change. Person A, always kind and helpful, managed to dig up 90 cents. I went to Person B, slightly more gruff but still nice at heart, and he tossed me a dime. I was very grateful with my handful of coins and jingled them in my pocket on my way to the vending machine.

When I got there, I put everything in meticulously and pressed on the WATER button. Dasani beckons allluringly like a sea siren. However, the reverie stopped there, abruptly, when I realize that the machine was silent and stony. Nothing. Slightly alarmed, I went to push another button when HORROR of HORRORS, I hit Diet Coke instead. NOOOOOO! I was the picture of "Scream" my friends, as I clasped my head in agony and deep anguish. I was ready to beat my chest in despair, and slam my head against the wall. Okay, no I wasn't. But what I really did do was pump my fist in aggravation and even hopped a little. It was very uncharacteristic of me, but for some reason, I was all id today, I want my drink and I want it now! Person A happened to be in the same room at the time and witnessed my tantrum, she couldn't help chuckling and said, you're funny when you get upset. That's because I am usually a kabuki/botox/mask girl, I show no emotions, apparently.

Anyways, the story doesn't end here. As luck would have it, a guy in my lab LOVES diet coke, so my first thought was to pawn it off him. I went to him and tried to sell it to him. However, he saw through my ruse and very shrewdly gives me 60 cents in exchange for my room-temp diet coke. I took it meekly, because I know he was doing me a favor. The rest of the lab laughed and ribbed him hard for taking advantage of a postbac, who gets paid next to nothing. I said, this is why I'm not in business, because I'm always gonna be the one who gets ripped off.

But 60 cents wasn't enough to get another drink, so I went to my wallet once more and scrounged up another dollar bill and marched back to the machine. Lo and behold, the machine took my dollar bill without a hitch!!! And then I got an ice tea out of it. When I got back to my desk, I found that he had replaced the 60 cents with a dollar, for feeling somewhat bad, he very good humouredly bought my diet coke for the full price. All this was going on to the great amusement of my lab mates, who thought it was very funny that there was so much to do over one small drink.