Reflections on choices

In Chinese, there is an expression “yi bei zhi” which denotes a “lifetime” or in some cases, “forever” and “eternity.” Sometimes this is used in the context of “you will regret something” for “yi bei zhi.” Back in the time of my grandparents’ and even parents’ generation, they believe in making so-called “right” choices early on in life or else one suffers the consequences forever and ever (or at least for the rest of one’s natural life.) There is a certain, unspoken but tangible dread of taking that one wrong step, down a slippery slope, and for what one will regret bitterly afterwards.

For instance, the other saying is “nan pa ru chuo hang, nu pa jia chuo lang” which signifies that the worst thing a man should fear is entering the wrong profession, the worst thing a woman should fear is marrying the wrong man. Because, these are mistakes that will resonate a lifetime.

I was just reflecting on how that is no longer true in today’s day and age, and especially no longer true in America, the land of opportunity and the land of second chances. In my relatively young life so far, I can sense that had I lived in a different time period, some of the choices I made earlier in life would no doubt be a curse to me to the day I die. However, because I am fortunate enough to exist at the intersection of time and space where it is indeed possible to reinvent myself on a daily basis, to redirect the forces of my destiny and alter the direction of my future based on the exercising of my will, well, what can I say, in this respect, it’s great to be an American.

Therefore, the term “yi bei zhi” has lost most of its power and terrorizing element. That term does not mean as much today as it once did. What is “yi bei zhi”? 10 years, 20 years, 30 years? At any point, you can change the old yibeizhi to a new yibeizhi. Of course, I’m not unaware that as with any change, sometimes the baby really does get thrown out with the bathwater (since I’m using all these aphorisms, might as well keep right on going) and sometimes, the eagerness with which people embrace new things, change, excitement and just perhaps, something different from their humdrum lives may cause them to also throw away something that they will regret losing later on. So it’s as with many things in life, a double-edged sword, the power to choose, the power to reinvent yourself and the power to put something down and pick something else up.

So just to borrow from Spiderman’s wisdom, “with great power, comes great responsibility.” Only if you exercise your power wisely can you say that you are making the most of the opportunities given to you, instead of becoming overwhelmed and dominated by the plethora of bewildering options and beckoning sirens. Be wise, my friends, be wise.