Stumbling out of the cave

I feel that I have become more selfish and self-absorbed over the years, either that, or I've always been this selfish but I've only become more conscious of it over the years.

There is something to be said for living a selfless life. It is my ideal, but I don't know if I will ever get there. Today at Church I listened to some people share about their short term missions trips to China. It reawakened something inside of me. But I was stern with myself. I asked myself, what is it that appeals to me about going off to some remote mountainous region in China and then "helping" the people there, either by teaching English, telling them about God, showing my care for them, etc etc? What does it truly mean? Underneath that, is there an element of, I am the savior who shall come and descend among these poor pitiful people and bestow my graces and bountiful blessings? Is there that egotistic element of playing Superman? What is my true motive for thinking that I want to do that? To play dressup as Mother Theresa?

I think to some extent, it definitely is. And until I can divorce that element from my motives for going out there, I don't think that I should. There is truly something to be said for selflessness. I think it is simply incredible and awe-inspiring if a person can devote themselves tirelessly to a cause that they believe is greater than themselves and at the same time, be devoid of arrogance and self-congratulatory tendencies. If it's not about themselves but only about how they can give, that is the true essence of greatness. I believe I have read of people like that. I can't say I know of anyone personally. Most people I know (and you know I love you guys anyway) are mostly bustling around all day long worrying about how to carve out a nicer, bigger piece of pie for themselves. At this point, people my age have two predominant worries - how to find that wonderful soul mate and how to jump onto the fast track to a kick ass career and succeed beyond their wildest dreams. I don't know...there is nothing wrong with that, but for some reason, I find myself oddly dissatisfied with a life based only on those two criteria.

That's why I say that I'm too self-absorbed. It's all about me me me these days. I worry about myself, my applications, my life. All this worrying is just giving me a headache. Enough already. I think I need to reach a point where I understand that there are things out there more worthy of attention than myself. I'm getting a bit tired of a world where I'm at the center of the universe. I think a person that has gained some measure of wisdom can recognize that the world is much much larger than one insignificant person and is able to step out of that egotistic encasement and take a look around. It would be like the person coming out of Plato's cave and seeing a bigger much more beautiful world, perhaps. It is time I get out of my cave, but would anyone care to show me the way?