My kids are away with the in laws, and have been for the past month. As such, it's been an interesting experiment of living as an empty nester, a parallel universe of "what if we never had kids?" and how our lives would be otherwise. Jason and I continue to work at our respective jobs. Immediately new routines are in play now. We are much more relaxed about our evenings. Many evenings are spent in vegetative states in front of the computer. I'm working myself up to significant eye strain as I read articles after articles, or working through the pile of books I've been meaning to read for a long time now. After work, we either eat out if we feel like it, or we each slurp down something hastily put together. Instead of 30-40 minute affairs, our dinners are much simpler and perfunctory. We both are not big foodies, food is a necessity, not something emphasized or prioritized, at least not by me. We have gone bike riding a few evenings. Or would take a walk. Last night we went out for a movie on a Friday night (when was the last time we did something so prosaic?) It is liberating to be able to do so just because we want to. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the freedom and latitude, but....(you know this was coming)
Two things - we both know this is a temporary reprieve from our parenting duties, an amazing gift from Jason's parents. Therefore we enjoy this time very much so. But now that we have become parents, it's not really possible to become non-parents again. Meaning, this is now ingrained into our psyche and makes us our identity. If we were ever so unfortunate to lose our children for whatever reason, we would still not become non-parents, we would simply become bereft parents of lost children. That is a big difference. And the lack of these precious two in our lives will forever be a minus.
Second thing - again, because it is only temporary, I'm giving myself license to not be quite as productive as I otherwise could be. Still every evening after work there seems to be a wealth of time stretched out in front of me to do as I please - quite luxurious in fact. Jason, more disciplined than I, practices his piano and works on his languages. As for me, I just putter the evening away doing various things, as my heart desires. It underscores a fact to me. When we are very busy, we often bemoan the lack of time to do what we want. To some extent it is true, but on the other hand, when we are given a wealth of time, it is easy to waste said time too. It's not easy to truly manage our time wisely and schedule accordingly the things we want to do. Far easier it is to be busy with the trivial routines of life and then complain of lack of time, then to actively schedule things we want to do when we want to do them given the time we have. If I were truly disciplined, I could have used this past month to acquire a new skill by now with all the evening hours at my disposal.
This reminds me that I've been meaning to sit down and schedule out my evenings, much like doing a budget. Instead of budgeting my money, I should budget my time.
