Having just completed a whirlwind tour of New York City and Philadelphia, I am exhausted but filled with wonderful memories (oh man, I’m in danger of turning into a Hallmark spokesperson)
Saturday was a day filled with so many highlights, that they were virtually competing with each other to be the crowning glory of the day. Was it the adventure-filled bumpity ride en route to the wedding? Was it the beautiful, very sweetly nuanced ceremony and reception that I attended? Was it the sumptious food and multiple alcoholic beverages, pina coladas galore? Or was it seeing once again old Columbians from days of yore and having nostalgic memories flood the gates of my hippocampus? I don’t know exactly. All I remember is the general feeling of excitement and euphoria, of laughing a lot, of drinking quite a bit, of dancing and shimmying around and just having a grand ol’ time. Later in the evening brought more social engagements - dinner in lower east side and party in midtown. Through it all, I appreciated more than ever the feeling of being young, alive and vibrant and at every turn, life was brimming with possibilities. There was a lot of girlish banter and giggling of “eligible men” at the wedding – all in good fun and to the mild exasperation of one of my friends’ long-suffering husbands.
Oh New York! As I was driving from Queens into New York City on the Queensboro bridge, I was able to catch an expansive view of the cityscape that is Manhatttan. As the skyscrapers rose into view, they seemed to me proud stalwarts of civilization, standing tall in the sky as if to declare to the world their beauty and significance by virtue of their existence. Flowing in front of the building is the glistening water that danced with the rays on its surface and though I was driving, I was even more tempted to just park my car and admire the view, and butter up NYC’s already puffy ego. Sometimes before beauty, one is helplessly lost in admiration. I suspect my love affair with New York will continue for quite some time to come.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Not so sanguine after all
On Friday I went to the blood bank intent on making a liquid deposit. The nurse pricked my finger to test for my hemoglobin content. Minutes later, with what seemed like genuine disappointment, she said, “Ohh, your hemoglobin is too low! You can’t donate today.” She then launched into a crusade to recruit me to join their iron study. I thought about it for five seconds and then I said, No thanks. I didn’t want to deal with all the hassles of lab tests and followup questions. Enters Sarah, a young and frank looking nurse. She tells me that even if I don’t want to participate in the iron study, she can still draw up a few blood vials and run some tests to see if its anything serious. The hypochondriac in me relented, driven as much by morbid curiosity to see if there really is anything “terribly ill” about me.
She settles me down in a cushioned seat and has me lie on my back. She asked me which side of my arm would I prefer to have the blood drawn. I pointed to my left arm. Already though, I had a glimmer of thought that perhaps I should choose my stronger, more well used right arm. This thought came and went, and later I was to regret my choice…
She starts to wrap a rubber strap around my limp, skinny left arm. She feels for a vein that pops out. Across the smooth span of my arm, not a ripple can be seen. Everything is hidden well beneath. She tells me to squeeze a rubber ball with my left arm to get more blood action going. I complied graciously (my arm being at stake and all) She seems a bit hesitant but she brings out the needle anyway. Here goes, I thought, and I braced for the painful plunge. She injects me with the needle. Yowser!! It hurts! I looked away, because I have this belief that if I were to look at that metal thing sticking into my arm, it would hurt even more. I grimaced. Seconds later, she is still peering confusedly at my arm. She pulls the syringe back and nothing. No blood. She maneuvers the needle which is, must I remind you all, still stuck in my flesh!! She tries to poke it in the northern direction. No luck. In the eastern direction, PAINFUL!! All the while, I braved these assaults on my arm with admirable stoicism, but inside, I was screaming, Dude, lady! Hit the vein already, stop digging around! She probably caught a glimpse of the agony that was my face and she said, I’m going to take this out and not bother trying anymore. She pulls out the needle, (another sharp sensation of pain goes through me) and then she peers again at my arm, rather suspiciously. She asked, “do you have ANY blood in you? “ Indeed, not one drop welled to the surface to give testimony to how violated it was just seconds ago.
After all this, I thought I would be spared further pain and torture. Instead, the next thing I knew, she turned to me, smiled and said rather brightly, let’s try your right arm shall we? I managed a weak smile. Shall we indeed.
She settles me down in a cushioned seat and has me lie on my back. She asked me which side of my arm would I prefer to have the blood drawn. I pointed to my left arm. Already though, I had a glimmer of thought that perhaps I should choose my stronger, more well used right arm. This thought came and went, and later I was to regret my choice…
She starts to wrap a rubber strap around my limp, skinny left arm. She feels for a vein that pops out. Across the smooth span of my arm, not a ripple can be seen. Everything is hidden well beneath. She tells me to squeeze a rubber ball with my left arm to get more blood action going. I complied graciously (my arm being at stake and all) She seems a bit hesitant but she brings out the needle anyway. Here goes, I thought, and I braced for the painful plunge. She injects me with the needle. Yowser!! It hurts! I looked away, because I have this belief that if I were to look at that metal thing sticking into my arm, it would hurt even more. I grimaced. Seconds later, she is still peering confusedly at my arm. She pulls the syringe back and nothing. No blood. She maneuvers the needle which is, must I remind you all, still stuck in my flesh!! She tries to poke it in the northern direction. No luck. In the eastern direction, PAINFUL!! All the while, I braved these assaults on my arm with admirable stoicism, but inside, I was screaming, Dude, lady! Hit the vein already, stop digging around! She probably caught a glimpse of the agony that was my face and she said, I’m going to take this out and not bother trying anymore. She pulls out the needle, (another sharp sensation of pain goes through me) and then she peers again at my arm, rather suspiciously. She asked, “do you have ANY blood in you? “ Indeed, not one drop welled to the surface to give testimony to how violated it was just seconds ago.
After all this, I thought I would be spared further pain and torture. Instead, the next thing I knew, she turned to me, smiled and said rather brightly, let’s try your right arm shall we? I managed a weak smile. Shall we indeed.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Darkness then light...
Today started out badly for me. Before 10 AM, I have found myself writing out two apology emails. One was addressed to a person whom I inadvertently stood up this morning because being the incorrigible doofus that I am, I forgot about my appointment to meet with her. This was supposed to be a little shadowing experience for me at the NIH hospital and I blew it by one too many snooze and a terribly distracted mind. =( The other email I sent out in apology was to a girl from small group who invited me to her wedding and requested a respond by date of yesterday. Coincidentally, I saw her last night and she asked me point blank if I was going to go. I had not planned to, but caught off-guard as I was, I could only say that I would get back to her on this. Then I went home and looked at the date to respond by and it was OH SHIT, oh Crap, oh goofey Emily strikes again!! Let me tell you, having to start the day off with a round of apologies is a stinky way to start a day. I spent all of this morning with a strong urge to kick myself in the behind.
However, the bright spot in my day was a seminar that I attended in the afternoon. It was a topic on the Chinese traditional medicine treatment of SARS. A historian from JHU delivered the talk and her primary focus was on how traditonal Chinese medicine practitioners frame the idea of SARS within the context of traditional medicinal views. It was both enlighening, refreshing and familiar all at once. I felt as I did back at Columbia, back in one of my old East Asian profs’ classes, engaged and attentive and absorbed.
Anyway, crux of her argument is one of a paradigm shift. It’s not a shift necessarily from Western traditional views to Eastern traditional views, it’s a shift from unilateralism to multilateralism. It’s a conscious effort to move out of one view of seeing an idea to being able to see that there are multiple ways of looking at the same thing. She points out how western medical professionals tend to view SARS within the context of a viral pandemic, an outside entity that invades a body and can be transmitted from host to host. However, within the context of traditional chinese medicine (TCM), SARS is looked upon as a “type” of condition, a wenbing, one that is a result of multiple factors such as climate, environmental conditions, one’s own physiological conditons and predispositions and that SARS is categorically a “wind-heat” illness. She also mentions how the isalis root or “banlangeng” was employed to counter the effects of this wenbing. I am actually quite familiar with banlangeng myself, because whenever anyone in my family has a cold or sore throat, they are immediately directed to make a banlangeng potion for themselves to combat the onset of the fever or cold.
Anyway, to sum up my feelings about this talk, I feel the topic has ignited my interest in understanding traditional Chinese medicine further. This is all in coherence with my natural affinity and disposition to understand more of my ethnic and cultural heritage. I have resolved before the end of the talk to begin studying this more in earnest, because it is such a mysterious yet astounding tradition to me. Even the language of TCM appears to be couched in esoteric and rather mystical language like “wind”, “heat”, “yin-yang imbalances.” My private hope is to one day achieve a level of competency in TCM to the point where I can even incorporate some of it in my future practice. But let’s not yet count the chickens before they hatch, right?
However, the bright spot in my day was a seminar that I attended in the afternoon. It was a topic on the Chinese traditional medicine treatment of SARS. A historian from JHU delivered the talk and her primary focus was on how traditonal Chinese medicine practitioners frame the idea of SARS within the context of traditional medicinal views. It was both enlighening, refreshing and familiar all at once. I felt as I did back at Columbia, back in one of my old East Asian profs’ classes, engaged and attentive and absorbed.
Anyway, crux of her argument is one of a paradigm shift. It’s not a shift necessarily from Western traditional views to Eastern traditional views, it’s a shift from unilateralism to multilateralism. It’s a conscious effort to move out of one view of seeing an idea to being able to see that there are multiple ways of looking at the same thing. She points out how western medical professionals tend to view SARS within the context of a viral pandemic, an outside entity that invades a body and can be transmitted from host to host. However, within the context of traditional chinese medicine (TCM), SARS is looked upon as a “type” of condition, a wenbing, one that is a result of multiple factors such as climate, environmental conditions, one’s own physiological conditons and predispositions and that SARS is categorically a “wind-heat” illness. She also mentions how the isalis root or “banlangeng” was employed to counter the effects of this wenbing. I am actually quite familiar with banlangeng myself, because whenever anyone in my family has a cold or sore throat, they are immediately directed to make a banlangeng potion for themselves to combat the onset of the fever or cold.
Anyway, to sum up my feelings about this talk, I feel the topic has ignited my interest in understanding traditional Chinese medicine further. This is all in coherence with my natural affinity and disposition to understand more of my ethnic and cultural heritage. I have resolved before the end of the talk to begin studying this more in earnest, because it is such a mysterious yet astounding tradition to me. Even the language of TCM appears to be couched in esoteric and rather mystical language like “wind”, “heat”, “yin-yang imbalances.” My private hope is to one day achieve a level of competency in TCM to the point where I can even incorporate some of it in my future practice. But let’s not yet count the chickens before they hatch, right?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Bits and pieces of drabbery
Assuming that I don't take whimsicality to a completely warped dimension, I do want to share some random things that I have either thought or encountered over the past several days.
A) Two squirrels trying to make it. The guy, overeager as usual, tries to pin the girl down and bounced on her rather enthusiastically. She fought him off and starts scampering around with him hot on her tail. When will guys know that "no" means "no"??
B) A member of my bible study group brought her two kids to join us today. Normally I'm the Scrooge's twin sister about things, but I have a soft spot for kids. Not today. I looked at those two little blond vermins suspiciously, trying to see past their innocent little angelic faces to the brattiness that lie within. I didn't find them very cute at all. Yeesh...kids...what a bundle of annoyance sometimes. The one boy won't stop whining. I thought back to my recent conversation about spanking kids as a form of discipline. That kid was definitely spank-worthy.
C) I researched how much in the hole I will be post four years of medical school. I don't know, I am usually traipsing around in my own little world and sometimes I admit that I spend money very casually. Anyhow, I realize I need to start getting more serious about budgeting. Money isn't going to spout from my wishful thinking after all.
D) Rewatched Howl's Moving Castle. It's a film that deserves its own posting and not just a bullet point among many. However I do want to quickly say that I enjoyed it immensely the second time I watched it. For what it's worth, in all its glorious idealizations of love and cheesy valor, it's a film that celebrates true beauty, true courage, true camaraderie and sometimes, a little magic can go a long way.
E) I love the word "wicked." I'm going to start peppering my speech with that word. It's just wicked good fun.
A) Two squirrels trying to make it. The guy, overeager as usual, tries to pin the girl down and bounced on her rather enthusiastically. She fought him off and starts scampering around with him hot on her tail. When will guys know that "no" means "no"??
B) A member of my bible study group brought her two kids to join us today. Normally I'm the Scrooge's twin sister about things, but I have a soft spot for kids. Not today. I looked at those two little blond vermins suspiciously, trying to see past their innocent little angelic faces to the brattiness that lie within. I didn't find them very cute at all. Yeesh...kids...what a bundle of annoyance sometimes. The one boy won't stop whining. I thought back to my recent conversation about spanking kids as a form of discipline. That kid was definitely spank-worthy.
C) I researched how much in the hole I will be post four years of medical school. I don't know, I am usually traipsing around in my own little world and sometimes I admit that I spend money very casually. Anyhow, I realize I need to start getting more serious about budgeting. Money isn't going to spout from my wishful thinking after all.
D) Rewatched Howl's Moving Castle. It's a film that deserves its own posting and not just a bullet point among many. However I do want to quickly say that I enjoyed it immensely the second time I watched it. For what it's worth, in all its glorious idealizations of love and cheesy valor, it's a film that celebrates true beauty, true courage, true camaraderie and sometimes, a little magic can go a long way.
E) I love the word "wicked." I'm going to start peppering my speech with that word. It's just wicked good fun.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Thelma & Louise
The film of Thelma and Louise is the story of a journey and a transformation of two women, verging on middle-age, who finally found themselves and had the courage to face the crumbling, sorry shell of an existence they’ve always known as “their lives.” In their fight to defy that existence, they pay a high price but it is a decision in which they will probably never regret making.
This film which started off prosaically enough, fooled the viewer into a comfortable little nook at the beginning and its humble small town feel belie its ultimate transcendent messages of transformation, of breaking free, of fighting back, of embracing liberty. You see two women, good friends, yapping at each other over the phone, planning a weekend getaway. One woman, as you can see is a neat, tidy woman, always in control. The other woman is a loosey-goosey sort, scatterbrained, packs for a 10 day vacation when she is only out of town for two. The two women couldn’t be more different, but you also know that this is the right dynamic for the relationship to work.
From that point on when they roar off into the streets, there was no turning back – though they didn’t know it quite just yet. Neither, for that matter, do the viewers.
The first turning point which turned the girls into a tailspin was when Louise shoots a would-be rapist of Thelma dead on the spot. The girls have now irrevocably stepped over the line between their past lives and their future incarnations. Living life as a fugitive, on the run from the law, had its high points. They’ve lost all chances of turning back but when they were honest with themselves, they didn’t really want to turn back all that much anyway.
A series of other unfortunate events led the girls deeper into the path they had accidentally strayed onto. In between reflections on their vastly transformed selves, they actually take moments to enjoy the freedom of where they find themselves. At one point, they were driving down the freeway and they marveled to each other that it was “some” vacation they had been on. Then they grinned at each other and they shared a wonderful moment of complete camaraderie.
The final scene in the film was brilliant and beautiful. As had been evident for some time now, they crossed a line way back when and there was no turning back for them, either physically, metaphysically, socially, psychologically, whatever. There was beauty in the simplicity of having no choice but to go forward. And go forward they did, into the abyss, into the future, into an infinity that awaits.
This film which started off prosaically enough, fooled the viewer into a comfortable little nook at the beginning and its humble small town feel belie its ultimate transcendent messages of transformation, of breaking free, of fighting back, of embracing liberty. You see two women, good friends, yapping at each other over the phone, planning a weekend getaway. One woman, as you can see is a neat, tidy woman, always in control. The other woman is a loosey-goosey sort, scatterbrained, packs for a 10 day vacation when she is only out of town for two. The two women couldn’t be more different, but you also know that this is the right dynamic for the relationship to work.
From that point on when they roar off into the streets, there was no turning back – though they didn’t know it quite just yet. Neither, for that matter, do the viewers.
The first turning point which turned the girls into a tailspin was when Louise shoots a would-be rapist of Thelma dead on the spot. The girls have now irrevocably stepped over the line between their past lives and their future incarnations. Living life as a fugitive, on the run from the law, had its high points. They’ve lost all chances of turning back but when they were honest with themselves, they didn’t really want to turn back all that much anyway.
A series of other unfortunate events led the girls deeper into the path they had accidentally strayed onto. In between reflections on their vastly transformed selves, they actually take moments to enjoy the freedom of where they find themselves. At one point, they were driving down the freeway and they marveled to each other that it was “some” vacation they had been on. Then they grinned at each other and they shared a wonderful moment of complete camaraderie.
The final scene in the film was brilliant and beautiful. As had been evident for some time now, they crossed a line way back when and there was no turning back for them, either physically, metaphysically, socially, psychologically, whatever. There was beauty in the simplicity of having no choice but to go forward. And go forward they did, into the abyss, into the future, into an infinity that awaits.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
My Poster Session
Today I participated in a poster exhibit at NIH and very proudly displayed my not-so-successful-thus-far research project, only one of among hundreds of very nerdy, very earnest research here. I can say unequivocally that my poster carried the distinction of being the simplest, most childish looking poster there, with its large fonts and even larger pictures. I took a quick walk around and every single poster had no less than 5-6 complex, color-coded diagrams, fluorescently dyed cells and iridescent scientific imaging. Everything was so high-tech and sophisticated that my poster was very much the shabby cousin amongst its rich and flamboyant relatives.
Much like my amusing speed dating experience a while back where I had the dubious fortune of sitting next to this buxom, vibrant Australian redhead and thus had to endure the veritable traffic jam that piled up as guys lined up very patiently to get her number, at the exhibit, I’ve had the similar pleasure of watching people congregate at all the sexy looking posters AROUND me while I stand there, neglected, lonely and sad.
Just kidding! I am being a drama queen, true to my nature at its core. The truth is, I had a few people come up to me and ask me decently intelligent questions about my research. Hopefully, I was able to articulate my research in a clear enough manner. Most people went away, if not bowled over by the genius of my research, at least very pleasantly happy that they found everything easy to understand and digest.
This rather cute guy approached me at one point and we had a pleasant conversation. As it turned out, he’s attending the University of Maryland School of Medicine and I told him that I wanted to go there, but didn’t get in. He laughed and told me that a friend of his wanted to go to Drexel but didn’t get in. We both shook our heads at the bewildering phenomenon otherwise known as med school acceptances. He said he wasn’t loving the city of Baltimore though, to which I comforted him by saying, well at least you can look forward to an awesome library. I said that not without a twinge of envy, because I truly was very impressed with Maryland’s library.
The other standout person that I met was this Chinese guy with a mop like hair. He works for the FDA and is interested in small, silencing RNAs. He approached me and began asking me questions in Chinese. Now, folks, explaining science in plain English was hard enough already. Imagine that I had to explain it in mandarin Chinese!! I did my best but a couple of times, he asked me some questions to which I had no frickin’ clue what the hell he was referring to. I was only able to shake my head apologetically and say, “Bu zhi dao” and then I apologized for my Chinese but to be perfectly honest, I probably wouldn’t have understood the same question if asked in English. The great thing about this guy was that he got all mystical and he said it is his belief that RNAs are the original genetic materials on Earth and that it precede both DNA and proteins. Not only that, RNAs, he asserted, were introduced to Earth by extraterrestials and thus, that was how life began on Earth. I listened to all this in awed silence, because it felt surreal to hear of such sci-fi beliefs at a science convention, at the NIH no less. But whether or not there is any validity to his beliefs, I really can’t say. However my encounter with this person definitely stood out in my mind as one of the more interesting encounters I’ve had in a while.
Much like my amusing speed dating experience a while back where I had the dubious fortune of sitting next to this buxom, vibrant Australian redhead and thus had to endure the veritable traffic jam that piled up as guys lined up very patiently to get her number, at the exhibit, I’ve had the similar pleasure of watching people congregate at all the sexy looking posters AROUND me while I stand there, neglected, lonely and sad.
Just kidding! I am being a drama queen, true to my nature at its core. The truth is, I had a few people come up to me and ask me decently intelligent questions about my research. Hopefully, I was able to articulate my research in a clear enough manner. Most people went away, if not bowled over by the genius of my research, at least very pleasantly happy that they found everything easy to understand and digest.
This rather cute guy approached me at one point and we had a pleasant conversation. As it turned out, he’s attending the University of Maryland School of Medicine and I told him that I wanted to go there, but didn’t get in. He laughed and told me that a friend of his wanted to go to Drexel but didn’t get in. We both shook our heads at the bewildering phenomenon otherwise known as med school acceptances. He said he wasn’t loving the city of Baltimore though, to which I comforted him by saying, well at least you can look forward to an awesome library. I said that not without a twinge of envy, because I truly was very impressed with Maryland’s library.
The other standout person that I met was this Chinese guy with a mop like hair. He works for the FDA and is interested in small, silencing RNAs. He approached me and began asking me questions in Chinese. Now, folks, explaining science in plain English was hard enough already. Imagine that I had to explain it in mandarin Chinese!! I did my best but a couple of times, he asked me some questions to which I had no frickin’ clue what the hell he was referring to. I was only able to shake my head apologetically and say, “Bu zhi dao” and then I apologized for my Chinese but to be perfectly honest, I probably wouldn’t have understood the same question if asked in English. The great thing about this guy was that he got all mystical and he said it is his belief that RNAs are the original genetic materials on Earth and that it precede both DNA and proteins. Not only that, RNAs, he asserted, were introduced to Earth by extraterrestials and thus, that was how life began on Earth. I listened to all this in awed silence, because it felt surreal to hear of such sci-fi beliefs at a science convention, at the NIH no less. But whether or not there is any validity to his beliefs, I really can’t say. However my encounter with this person definitely stood out in my mind as one of the more interesting encounters I’ve had in a while.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Emily rant
The other day I was watching this television show where an exclusive interview was being conducted of the 2004 Olympics women’s tennis (doubles) gold player Liting, from China. Having lately acquired a real predilection for tennis and all things tennis related, I watched the program with piqued interest. My interest soon turned to disgust however when the television host, sitting there looking all pale and smarmy, decided to zero in on one specific topic: the color of Liting’s skin. Now, she’s no southern magnolia with cream colored skin, that is true. However I looked at her and my first impression isn’t, My God, look how dark she is! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! But this television host decided to turn to her college-aged studio audience and proceeded to conduct her own little survey. She goes, “How many of you find dark-colored skin attractive?” I rolled my eyes but I continued watching. Of course like 90% of the audience prefers pale skin, because Chinese people are just biased like that. This one guy did stand up and profess his particular preference for dark-skinned girls because he asserts they look healthier. Anyway, it just dragged on and on and to be perfectly frank, I thought what the TV host was doing was insulting to her guest of honor. This woman was clearly in need of a crash course in basic professionalism and perhaps common decency. Why instead of focusing on Liting’s tennis triumps and sorrows are we focusing on the color of her skin?? Who cares about her skin? She’s not in the running for the title of palest beauty in all of China after all. What relevance does that have to her tennis ability? Really, if I could roll my eyes more than 360 degrees, they would take a road trip to California.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Lawn-mowing
It is curious function that once a person is able to defeat the powerful stagnating force of inertia, momentum kicks in with relative ease and agility. All this mumbo jumbo is just to say that I finally got my lazy arse to the yard the other day and faced down the lawn mower in a contest of willpower. The first five minutes were the most frustrating because the mower refused to start. I grabbed that handle and boys and girls, did I pull and pull! I nearly yanked my own arm out of my sockets actually and if the mower could chortle, it'd be rolling on the grass at all the effort I was expending. After about 5 minutes of futile struggling, I finally wised up and actually read the instructions. It said to push this button five times (a cold start primer) and then like a lazy tigercat, it purred to life. What beauteous music to my ears at that moment! However the giddy feeling of success lasted but a nanosecond as I started pushing the mower across the fat, overgrown fur that is our lawn. Soon again I was pushing the mower in what seemed like an uphill battle. I held on to the mower with tenacity however and even though the tremors of the motor were pulsating against my palms, I just kept right on going. I amused myself by cutting patterns in the grass and then going in concentric fashion til I hit the bulls' eye. 1.5 hours later, I managed to give my lawn a successful haircut, very brisk, businesslike, no fuss. The whole time I was doing it, I was also plotting how to become super yard girl by mulching my trees, pulling out weeds, killing off the evil little things taking over the front of our yard, trimming the hedges and so forth. But at the end of 1.5 hours, with my hands literally shaking and numb from all the "massaging" action of the mower motor, I told myself that he who paces himself lasts longest and there's no sense in trying to do it all in one day. With that in mind, I bid my yard responsibilities a pleasant adieu and went on to enjoy the rest of my day in reverie.
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