A mini-vacation at Messiah College, PA

This past Memorial Day weekend, I was away essentially at Bible Camp. It was a lot of fun actually, probably because I was dragging my feet at first and not expecting to enjoy myself there. The retreat was located at Messiah College somewhere in PA. Don't bother asking me where, I don't pay attention to such trivial details. My parents, me and a family friend packed and loaded the car on Saturday morning and arrived at the campus just in time for LUNCH. Over the course of the several days, I felt like the meals were nonstop. We were constantly feeding. I think I must have gained some weight, bringing back fond memories of college mess halls and the fab freshman 15.

I think for what it's worth, the retreat has served its purpose for me in that it has reawakened a desire in me to understand God more. I think it's only fair that if I want to persist as I am now, a lukewarm, kinda am, kinda not Christian, I should know why I'm being lukewarm and what it is I'm being lukewarm about. I don't know if I will ever becoming one of those Bible-thumping Christians who sing Glory Hallelujah to God every time some small thing occurs. (Sale at CVS on my favorite shampoo? Praise the Lord!) I just don't think I have it in me to be that effusive, about anything.

However I do hope that maybe I can become more serious and grounded in my faith. The least I could do for myself is to figure out once and for all where I stand in it. I should stop straddling the fence.

I also got to meet some new people and hang out with some old Church friends. It was very interesting because everywhere you turned for several days, all you see were Asians. Yet it was not Asia, because most of them spoke English. So it was an alternate reality for me and it felt surreal. I think the best vacations completely take you out of your everyday routine and let you live an alternate world for awhile. That's the true essence of "getting away."

Mushy Gushy Me

Yesterday was my birthday and there were two pleasant surprises. First, I realize that I’m not at all unhappy about my birthday. I’m not moaning and groaning about being one year older and losing one more year of my youth. I was genuinely happy that it was my birthday. Gosh, when was the last time I felt this way? Probably when I turned 16. Since then, I have treated all my birthdays with a blasé attitude, almost a sorrowful farewell to my youth as it becomes more and more distant. But yesterday’s birthday, I was actually very happy. That happiness is not easily explainable. Maybe I just realize that I have a lot to be grateful for in life and maybe it finally means I’ve matured emotionally.

Second pleasant surprise, Mom gave me a big fat kiss on my birthday. I was surprised by my mom’s effusiveness, as she and I are usually not always so physically demonstrative. But maybe that kiss reminded me how truly, deeply I am loved. Really, I am a very lucky girl and I know it. =)

Happy Birthday to Yu Yu

I read this book recently that was not too good nor too bad. The overall flavor of the book was bland. But the book served as a good cautionary tale. The story starts out with these girls in their giggly, early 20's, fresh out of college and in their first jobs.

One of the girls is a Samantha like character, sleeping wildly with anyone she cares to, because she's so attractive and is able to get men too easily for her own good.

The other two girls are plainer but still attractive, both of whom got involved with older, successful but married men.

A few more chapters down the road, the girls are in their late 20's. One of the men divorced his wife and proposed to the one girl. They got married and their lives played out in a fairy tale fashion over the next long years.

The other girl's man was not such an honest Abe. He promises her he will divorce his wife eventually, he keeps dangling the carrot in front of her. They stay together...five...ten...fifteen years. At the 10th year point, she got tired of waiting for him and started seeing this other guy closer to her age. He didn't work out. Eventually she went back to the first guy, as the dutiful mistress. You know when they finally got married?? WHEN SHE WAS 60.

This book, although not great by any measure, nevertheless really hones in a very important concept. Life can happen so quickly. Don't waste it waiting for someone to get their act together. Don't waste it pining away for one man or woman. You have to take your life into your own hands. So maybe for the girl that wedded at 60, she feels the wait was worth it. I don't know, but I can tell you that my eyebrows are raised pretty high about that.

I am 27 today. Happy Birthday to me!

My encounter with the angry female cop

I just had the privilege of speaking with a female cop with an amazingly bad attitude. She was rude, impatient, and angry. She refused or was incapable of comprehending a very simple fact (I'll get to that in a minute)

So we put her on speakerphone as my aunt could listen while I report her stolen vehicle. The cop first of all started asking for my aunt's name and then proceeded to ask for her phone number and address OR so I thought. So I dutifully gave her all the information and then proceeded to tell her where the car was last seen. Just as I said, "The car was last seen at Montgomery Mall..." she cut me off and goes, "Wait, you told me the car was at your home, on your DRIVEWAY."

HUH? When the hell did she ask me about a driveway??

So, still under the illusion that we are communicating here, I protested saying, "No, no, the car was stolen at the mall. I simply thought you were asking for the primary residence of my aunt." She started to make a BIG deal about how she specifically asked me where the car was and I specifically told her that it was last seen on my driveway. I protested again and said as loudly as I could, "I did NOT hear you ask me that question and if you thought I did, I'm sorry, because I simply misunderstood you." She said sharply, "Put your aunt on the phone. I want to speak with her." and she proceeded to say to my aunt (now she was on speakerphone remember), "YOUR niece told me that it was on your driveway until it was stolen." I practically yelled at her, "NO!! I DID NOT SAY THAT! I NEVER HEARD YOU ASK ME WHERE THE CAR WAS LAST SEEN." Really, how many times do I need to say the same exact thing? How much clearer could I be?

So she finally said, "Am I on speakerphone? Can you NOT speak to me on speaker please?" with a very hostile, snotty voice. I really almost said, "Fuck you asshole, it's not my fault you think you have a shitty job and a shitty life." Why can't she let go of the fact that we simply misheard her? Or that she herself was not clear?

Instead, being the loser that I was, I switched to a regular phone and as soon as I got on the phone, she said something in a snotty, cold tone of voice. Just to be annoying, I very sweetly asked, "Excuse me, what did you say? Can you say that again?" just to make her repeat herself. With a very exaggerated, annoyed sigh, she said, "A police officer will be coming by your house later for questioning. Okay?" I said, "Fine." Obviously she was done here and she was pretty useless to boot. Then she said, "Bye." And I said, "Bye." Coldly, abruptly, both of us glad to be off the phone.

My Jade Bracelet

I have to say with utmost sincerity that I am not the most pragmatic, down-to-earth individual I know. It is because I am easily given to flights of fancy and whimsical imagination that I am sometimes scared of letting myself go too much into the world of occult, a world that lies outside rationality, science and cool-headed logic.

Recently an event occurred that hit me quite deeply. Sunday, I broke my jade bracelet into four pieces. For seven years, it has been a part of me, attached to my left wrist, joined to me day and night. The Chinese says that the jade bracelet protects you, wards off evil. It stands guard between you and unfortunate events. Its general sheen and shine reflects the wearer’s health and happiness. Mine, I was pleased to note, always sparkled prettily.

It’s hard to gauge the true loss that I feel for the bracelet. This is where I cautiously tread the divide between my natural tendency and my more rational, educated side. On the one hand, I feel a bit lost, a bit panicky. I am separated from my faithful companion, one that has been with me for seven years. It has stayed with me through good times, through bad times and it always comforted me to see it, a warm reminder of a Grandmother much beloved. Finally, I think Jade in general is a powerful symbol in my life. I am, after all, named after Jade in Chinese. More specifically, my name reads, Heart of Jade. So it has always carried a strong resonance with me and may truly play a significant role in my life.

On the other hand, I tell myself, it’s really just a bracelet. A token reminder of your loved ones, but wearing it or not, you will not ever bring her back. Furthermore, there were things I’ve wanted to do that have been hindered by a jade bracelet. Jogging, doing push ups, lifting weights, all these are not activities a jade wearer can easily partake in. Practical matters aside, I don’t like contemplating too deeply about the ramifications of having broken my bracelet. Will I now suffer bad luck? Will I no longer be able to ward off evil?

A lady very much interested in jade told me that since the jade bracelet’s function is to protect me, it broke at that precise moment because it took a hit for me and protected me. I don’t think she meant the actual physical act of what happened to the bracelet. Rather, some metaphysical bad luck that was aimed at me was instead absorbed by my bracelet, and the bracelet broke, in self sacrifice and kept me safe. Hearing this awed me to some extent because it excited my deepest imagination about the mysteries of the universe and how all things are interconnected at a level hard to comprehend. The skeptic in me of course thinks it may be all hocus pocus. But if what she said was true, then I feel great pride in having had this jade, my noble protector, a guardian talisman. The same lady asked me to think hard about what it is I may have deflected from my life. I am truly and genuinely puzzled. I don’t know what “bad” thing was hence redirected from me. I truly don’t know. It may be a mystery that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

In any case, I hope to repair the jade bracelet next year and God willing, I may be able to be reunited with my bracelet once it is repaired.

Amy's Wedding

This past Saturday, I stood witness to the union of Amy and Victor. Amy, my good friend from high school looked regal and graceful in her bridal raiment. She has a very noble bearing, one that she usually hides in very down-to-earth attire and manner. It was a pity that I was 20 minutes late and had to miss the grand entrance of the bride, but I'm happy that I still caught most of the ceremony.

It was very fun to see some old high school and junior high school friends again. One of my old friends shocked us all by showing up with her husband. They had married last year, quietly, without fanfare, without telling anyone in fact. I was surprised, almost dismayed at first. But I soon decided that all that's important is that they are happy now. Having friends come to your wedding, giving you gifts, lavishing congratulations -- these are all great but not essential to a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Jason and I went up and danced at a time when nobody went up. It was just me and Jason, gyrating clumsily to some music I no longer recall the melody of. I was by then, three drinks down and much less inhibited. It was still awkward but I consoled myself that no one was really watching us. When I remarked that to a friend, she promptly retorted smartly that THEY were definitely watching us. Oops. So much for the self-consolation. Oh well, hopefully I didn't make a complete fool of myself and even if I did, so what? I'm only young once and there's no time like now to make a fool of myself.

Amy and Victor did a slow dance and it was very lovely to watch, against the backdrop of the sunlit floor to ceiling windows. They also had two rambunctious wedding singers who began to take on the job description of wedding dancers as the wedding reception wore on. I tried to request Lady in Red at first and unfortunately they didn't know the lyrics. Jason kept yelling "99 Red Balloons" for reasons I can not imagine. He refused to just go up to the wedding singers and request the song in a civilized manner. In short though, it was a very good wedding and I much enjoyed the drinks and the oyster bar. =)

My nails look like shyte

and that's AFTER I put on nail polish too.

So after deciding that the least I could do for my friend's wedding was get a decent pair of manicured hands and a decent pair of pedicured feet, I went to the drugstore to pick out some nail polish to work with. (Recently in random fits of renewed determination to live life in a minimalist fashion, I have made sweeping purges of my cosmetics and toiletries. Alas, the nail polishes usually didn't survive the cleansing campaigns) So I meticulously selected two colors that delighted me and with great excitement embarked on some DIY salon experience later last night.

Now giving yourself a good manicure require first of all, a decent canvas to work on. Your nails have to be smooth, the cuticles removed, the skin surrounding the nails need to be soft and pliant, not dry and cracking. My fingers really don't fit any of the above criteria as I consider putting hand lotion on my hands the pinnacle of pampering. (yes, I'm That lazy) Plus, there is the necessary hand-eye coordination skills required to apply just the right amount of polish to each nail in controlled strokes from one end to the other. For some reason, this simple physical act eludes my capabilities and my nail brush goes wild, splattering heavy color here, barely scraping by in other places from lack of polish. The end result? Uneven coating, bumpy veneer, streaked with airbubbles (from waving my hands in the air too vigorously) and polish spilling over on the skin. Good manicure it is not. If not for the fabulous color that my discerning eye picked out, my manicure would have to be classified as a complete failure. As it is, its irisdescent glow, its pearly sparkliness manages to still dazzle and somewhat pretend it's actually a good manicure job....until this morning when on another whim, I decided to streak some more polish on top of it. I thought, in salons, they always give customers at least two applications, so why not?

But then, Miss Genius here was running late for work and waved her hand frantically in the air again to dry it quickly. And after about 5 seconds, decided it was dry enough and rushed off. Out of curiosity though, I couldn't resist patting one of my nails and promptly placed a fingerprint indent on the polish, like embossing. On closer inspection, all my nails look pretty tacky, despite my best intentions and now it just bugs me to stare at them, knowing what an awful job I did of it all.

Yeah, even now as I'm writing them, I can't help but stopping every few seconds to inspect my nails. The verdict is the same everytime. They look like shyte.

Talk by Dr. Yewdell

I just attended a motivational talk by a scientist at NIH. Smart guy, MD-PhD forward-thinking, hip scientist. What was his talk on? On the importance of science, of the importance of nurturing a generation of scientists and preaching the gospel of science. I believe he is right though. Whatever our mixed feelings about the advancement of technology and our increasing dependence on all things scientific and technological may be, I do believe that we as a society must go forward in making more scientific discoveries and advance scientific knowledge. We can not go back, we can not stagnate, thus, we must go on.

I really enjoyed his speech for two reasons. For months now at NIH, I’ve been attending dry seminars delving into the nitty-gritty of scientific and genomic research. Most of the information seriously goes right over my head and I merely sit there, daydreaming about the day all this will become comprehensible, my day of enlightenment. Today, I got to listen to a talk that made complete and utter sense to me. Every word, from beginning to end, made sense. My level of enjoyment of a given talk is directly proportional to my level of understanding. However that is no big surprise, I’m sure it’s a common enough phenomenon.

The second reason I really enjoyed the talk was because it achieved what it set out to do. It motivated. The irony is I don’t even plan on becoming a scientist. Fortunately however, his talk on becoming a good, successful scientist can be applied to being a good post-bac intern (as I am now) and a good premedical student and a good medical student and ultimately, a good doctor.

Some of the contents of his talk are directly related to the field of science. Other parts of his talk focus on more universal principles and can be applied to any field. It is the language of success and how to achieve it. He keeps it real though. He admits that there are too many graduate students that come out of grad school every year to become PI’s, principal investigators. Not everyone has to be a PI however to have a successful scientific career and that’s the good news.

In the end, his basic point for people hoping to enter the scientific research field is, this is a noble career but a difficult one. There are things you can do to maximize or enhance your success at it and you get what you put in. Even when the going gets tough, scientists can take consolation and pride that they are part of the greater international scientific community, working to advance the collective knowledge of mankind.

Oh and he poked some jabs at the Bush administration, at the Intelligent Design jabberwokkees and some other foolish policymakers. Good fun.

Results of the challenge

I failed. =(

So Wendy gave me the following countries:

1. Cambodia
2. Venezuela
3. Algeria (maybe?)
4. Sierre Leone
5. Liechtenstein

And I got one of the border countries for Sierre Leone wrong! I thought it was the Ivory Coast, but I was one country off, it was Liberia!

But the good news is, I do know most of the countries in the world and also Jason backed out of the bet at the last minute. So I no longer have to be his slave for life nor do I have to cough up $100 to him. I do owe Wendy $10 bucks though, as per our agreement, so I guess I'll treat ya to lunch next time I see you eh Wendy?

Test me some more!! I will become a geography master yet!

Miss Softie's past weekend

Saturday was a fun-filled day. I woke up expecting a rainy downcast day and was greeted instead by a sunny one. I had made plans to have lunch with a friend and the prospect of socializing always brightens my mood – provided that I was socializing with desired company of course. So we had a delightful lunch at a Thai restaurant named a bit too cutely as Thai Tanium. The conversation was good although the food was only so-so.

After lunch, I went to CVS to pick up stuff and ran into a high school/college friend’s mom. She is so chatty! We must have stood in the parking lot and talked for over an hour, with me doing mostly nodding and murmurs of agreement as I am prone to do with chatty “adults.” She seemed to be in good spirits and the conversation flowed in all directions. I learned a few things about her that day that I didn’t know before and it made more sense now when I consider my friend and who she is. I think I never truly understood parts of her until now.

Finally, at night, over IM, I made last minute plans with another friend to go catch a movie. We went to downtown Bethesda, the place was fairly humming with people and for a while, you could almost trick yourself into thinking you were in the city again. We went to watch Water, by Deepa Mehkta (sp?) and it was all in all a truly enjoyable film. At the end, my friend was sobbing quite unreservedly and I remember affectionately thinking with a touch of amusement that she was such a softie. What I didn’t expect of course was that my reaction to the film would come, only somewhat later.

The next morning over breakfast, I recounted the movie to my mother. Everything was fine until I described the last scene, arguably the most powerful one in the film. Suddenly, inexplicably, tears filled in my eye and I bit my lips to keep from crying. I looked down and blinked back my tears and forced myself to gulp down some coffee. Inwardly, I was also tsk-ing myself, going, Emily Emily, when did you become such a leaky faucet? My mother may have noticed my sudden desire to cry, because she murmured some thing in a kindly way, but I was still too caught up in my emotion to fully understand.

Now some of you might be somewhat curious about what film I saw, as it made me, a veritable cold-blooded animal squeeze out some emotions. All I will say about the film is, some parts are clichéd and even Bollywood-ish, thus, a tad too melodramatic for my taste. But at the end of the film, there was indeed a very powerful moment which captured the essence of the film and I think, that one moment makes the film worth watching.

Oh and then for Mother’s Day, I went shopping for groceries and came home to produce a ten course meal for my family. I started shopping at around 12:30 PM and finished cooking around 4:30 PM. When my mom came home to the lavish display on the table, she grinned broadly and pronounced me marriageable. Heehee, not bad for a girl with a reputation for napping and no talent for cooking. The good news is, Mother’s Day only comes around once a year. The bad news is, my dinner was such a success that it has been unanimously decided that I will cook for all Sundays from now on!!! Picture the Scream picture. (Okay maybe that was a bit too melodramatic)

Anyway, a good weekend through and through. And oh yeah, Wendy postponed the test so that I get to fail tonight instead of last night. =)

Two mental challenges for myself

1. I want to learn all the countries of the world by name and know where they are in the world. I'll give myself one week to accomplish this task.

2. I want to begin honing my observation skills and eye for detail. I think a good way to start is to learn botany and specifically in flowers (since I've always been sucha girly girl and like flowers) I will start learning the names of common and uncommon flowers in BOTH English and Chinese, so that whenever I see a flower, I can confidently rattle off its name. I probably won't learn the scientific name though, that would be a bit too much for this novice in botany.

Saturday night a bomb went off

and that bomb was me.

For about two hours, I sat in between my mother and father, firing volleys back and forth. At times, the three of us talked simultaneously, no one was listening to anyone else. But most of the time, at least we were communicating, and not just seething with resentment and annoyance on a day to day basis.

But, I may be making it seem more serious than it was. The truth was, we had a good talk and really got some things out into the open. For some time now, my mum and pop would nag incessantly by my ear side that I need to find a good Christian man to be my husband because there is more of a likelihood that the marriage will succeed.

I finally threw down the gauntlet. I told them, dear parents, please don't worry about me any longer. The way I see it I have three options. A. I get married, my marriage is great, everyone is happy. End of story. B. I get married, the marriage stinks, we divorce, fine. I live on in blessed singlehood. C. I never get married and I live my life as I please. I am happy.
There are no fourth options. Unhappiness is a state of mind. My parents are so worried about me being unhappy in the future if I settle with some non Christian boy, that they refuse to see that happiness is or can be a state of mind. It doesn't hve to be so tied to one's external circumstances. I don't negate the possibility that external circumstances can affect happiness, but it should not be the end all be all causal agent.

And to make a long story short, I think maybe, maybe, I was able to get some of my message across to them. Yesterday for instance, I spent a lovely day with my mom. We went to Church, then after, we went to have korean food at a korean restaurant. The food was pretty decent and my mother was in a good mood. And we went shopping for food afterwards. After that, we hit the gym and I did a few laps in the pool before convening to my ultimate destination: the Spa and Sauna. aahh...bliss!

So hopefully I will continue to dialogue with my parents and let them know what I feel, as well as trying to accept some of their thinking, without being so quick to judge them as provincial or narrowminded or stodgy. I'll try try try until I succeed to bridging that supposed "generation gap."

**DISCLAIMER** This has nothing to do with current relationship with BF. In fact, the two are completely unrelated, as far as I'm concerned.

Interesting quiz

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance. At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower. And at other times, you are wise like an iris. And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

My personal May 4th Movement

In modern Chinese history, there is a famous movement known as the May 4th Movement. It was a shakeup of traditional values and heralded the establishment of modern schools of thought in the new republic of China. I just realize that today is May 4th and I too need to revolutionize my life and shake it up a bit.

I think, slowly, gradually, I realize that I am truly responsible for all that happens to me or around me. No one else can take that responsibility for me. I have witnessed/experienced firsthand how disastrous it is not to be accountable for your life, to always let others to the thinking for you or tell you how to think. It means living life in a very slippery manner, always slipping out at the last minute when trouble arises, letting others take the brunt of it. I despise such living and I do not think highly of it. It also means not confronting your worst fears. Escaping -- it used to be my mode of operation. But at some point, a person has to face the facts squarely, brutally, in its ugliness, in its inescapable existence, one has to wake up no matter what.

My personal May 4th vow is just to be different. Step out of my comfort zone. Open up my mind and my heart and let others in, or I should say, let more people in. I think I've always been somewhat exclusive about who I let into my life and who I keep out. Also to be kinder. It has been brought to my attention that I can be very cold, very standoffish, very arrogant and stuck up. Never mind that these are just perceptions from others, I feel that perhaps to some degree, it's all part of the same package of my personality and my tendency to not "bother" with all things too annoying. So much as I hate to admit it, probably to some degree, it's a true assessment.

Hopefully I will get this "revolution" off to a start and begin proactively reaching out and making more of a difference in the people whose lives intersect mine. And btw, patience is one of the highest virtues and I will say with all humility that I have not yet mastered it.

Happy Birthday Jason

Yeah it's Jason's birthday and he will be 24. It's his year, the year of the dog. I still remember one of my earliest memories of him was him gloating that he was a golden retreiver in a dog quiz. I remember thinking that he was absurdly proud of this rather odd fact. For the record, I was a labrador or something.

Btw, dogs ARE really cute. I'm wondering if I should get a dog. I'm not too eager to clean up after its messes, but maybe it would be fun. Almost all my colleagues are pet owners, and I've never had a "cool" pet before. What do you guys think? Should I get a little puppy?

Due to the intermission known as MCAT study period, I stopped watching this show just short of the last four episodes. It was a long interlude too - about 2 months I think.

It's strange. 24 is not as good now. Maybe because I have grown emotionally distant from the cast and the storyline that the things that happen in the show engages me less now. I just watched two episodes last night and didn't feel much for any of the characters. I was almost bored, just waiting idly for whatever "heart-stopping" cliffhanger they would attempt to throw at me next. I know that a lot of people have worked very hard to make this show happen and that there are definitely very strong merits to the show, but I just couldn't get into it. Maybe tonight, the final two episodes will be more satisfying. I think I'm too jaded for my own good.

New York New York

This past weekend, I went up to New York to see friends. It was a lovely weekend, not counting the gusty winds and moments of chilliness. It was fun to hang out with BF again after a 12-week block of self-imposed separation. Central Park welcomed us eagerly decked out in its Spring loveliness. We walked by several bodies of glistening water and admired the visage of laughing children, sleepy babies and amiable benchwarmers. Jason bought this new game called Brain Age which amused us for the better part of our ride into New York. I clocked in at 61 my first time!! Thankfully, I quickly went down to a brain age in my 20’s after some practice.

After brunch on Saturday, a group of us meandered down to Battery Park, near the Statue of Liberty. At one point, a couple of us needed to go to the bathroom and we seized on the brilliant idea of choosing the Ritz Carlton. The bathroom was really nice -- they had cloth wash-towels, as befitting their ritzy status. At first I was feeling a bit sheepish, but then soon shrugged it off and just strolled in as insouciantly as I could manage. How would they know the difference?

Highlight of the trip: hanging out at this Korean bar/lounge in Korea town. Stuff was pricey but we all got a big kick over the ice cream which was served in a bowl made of pure ice and fruit. The whole ensemble was quite stunning, prompting members of our group to wax philosophically and entrepreneur-ally about starting an archaeologist workshop. I had a watermelontini which was delish. Poor Jason, by then, was suffering mightily from his allergy attack and taking pity on him, we retired early for him to take his medicine.

But overall, it was really great to just kick back and relax with friends.