Who knows you best?

Do you know yourself best? Or when you do a little self-analysis, do you spritz on some fragrant lies, some rose-colored lenses, some self-congratulatory pats on the back and soothe, placate, stroke your ego a bit too much? What about other people? Do they know you best? Supposedly they are more objective, no? Not as inclined to see you for more or less than who you are. Or is that not true as well? I think sometimes others carry their own emotional baggages and knowingly or unknowingly judge others under those biases.

I often think with a slight cringe, will someone come along at the end of my life and sum me up in a few cutting sentences or two? Would that person, that omniscient God like critic, the "author" of my life, will that person be able to diminish and reduce me into a character, a neat and tidy package, a category, a type? I'd LIKE to think I'm this interesting, multi-faceted, well rounded and hard to place, hard to pin down type of freewheelin' and dealin' personality. Perhaps that is so far from the truth as what the world perceives me to be, that it's a complete and utter joke? And the truth is that I'm just this mousy sullen and lazy girl who wants life to be handed to her on a silver platter without having to expend the extra energy to acheive lasting glory?

Life is a zero sum game. How come it has taken me such a long time to figure that out? But I digress. I am also on a quest for truth (I want to know if truth is truly relative or absolute, this is a big mystery to me right now, I'll be honest)
In my own life, I can think of half a dozen scenarios where telling the truth per se is not the way to go, no sir. But that's not all I meant. I don't really care about the more petty issue of "telling the truth or telling a lie". That is not my moral burden at this point. What interests me a bit more is, what is the truth about how life is supposed to be lived after all....in other words, are you there God? It's me, Emily.

My existential guilt

On Sunday, I helped Mom plant tulips in the side garden to our house. In the process, we initiated what I shall term “The Massacre of the Bees” which shall forever live on in infamy in the history of Yen. Or perhaps we have now created a whole generation of jihadist bees who hate the Yens because of our merciless destruction of their homes due to our whim of making a ‘prettier” garden. Before my imagination gets too carried away, let me just report the facts as is. So we were pulling out mints and weeds to clear the way for the tulips and we discovered a hole where lots of bee traffic was going on. My mom surmised that a hive was perhaps in the hole and contemplated what we should do about it. Live and let live was not q uite considered as a viable option. Because we didn’t have any insecticides at hand, my mom decided to take a pot of boiling water and drench the hole with angry hot water. The poor bees! I have to admit that I felt great existential guilt as a human being at that point, with our willful destruction of innocent lives. Then some bees that were busy foraging try to come back into their homes but alas, they founded ruinous destruction everywhere. While they flew around, wringing their antenna in despair, my dad joined in to produce further carnage by taking an electric fly swatter and literally electrocuting to death the hapless surviving few. How it works is like this. It’s a like a modified tennis racket, except the strings are all wires, designed to deliver a swift jolt of current to the poor insect body that flies in contact with the racket surface. Upon contact, you hear a pop and a sizzle and then sometimes, a thin wreath of smoke arises from the charboiled body. It’s a very cruel instrument of death, from the perspective of a fly, or a bee, in this case. One by one, the fried bees fell wordlessly into the dirt below to join their brethen who were underground and perhaps already drowned. I don’t know why, but I felt guilty and sad that humans and bees cannot live harmoniously and that we had to do this to them.

Earlier before, I had a similar experience at the grocery store where the seafood people pulled out these lobsters from their tanks and the lobsters were just going buck wild, squirming, twisting, curling and uncurling its tails, spraying water everywhere. It made me sad to think that very soon these lobsters will be placed in huge pots and literally steamed to death. Perhaps its because I try to imagine how it would be if I were placed in a pot and steamed to death. No sir, I would not like that one bit. So therefore, my sympathy went out to the lobsters and I felt a flash of shame for myself as a member of such a predatory species. Still, it is fair to say that this guilt has not stopped me from enjoying my lobster dinner the night before that, at the Tower Oaks Lodge. Perhaps the sooner I accept the fact that as a human, as a carnivore, I will have to sacrifice living animals for my own sustenance, the better it would be for me. It’s not often that I have to confront the actual killing of an animal, but everyday, my very existence means the death of these poor things. Hard to reconcile sometimes. And I guess, it also makes our destruction of the beehive seem more inexcusable because we aren’t killing them out of necessity, only out of a desire for convenience and to avoid being stung.

The Prestige

I can't remember the last time I was so enraptured by a film. Perhaps since Kill Bill. The Prestige delivers on so many levels - acting, cinematography, story, and depth. It is a film about the dark descent into the obsesseive psychosis of human nature.

First, let's discuss the two main characters. Hugh Jackman lights up any scene he's in. It must be the sheer intensity and wattage of his performance, because I don't think it's just his pretty looks. Christian Bale, he's also magnetic and hard to not pay attention to. Something about him seems a bit shifty, a bit sly, a bit hard to read. I think it's a natural quality about him but for this role, he's completely the master of his domain. The two main guys play off their character contrasts convincingly, with conviction. The supporting cast, notably Scarlett and Michael, did a brilliant job. All the women were more than simple garnishes to the main course and filled out their roles nicely.

The other part was the constant suspense. This film being about a rivalry between two magicians turns it into a bit of a horror flick in the sense that you know something bad is going to happen to one or the other next but you don't know what it is. You keep waiting and waiting, dreading and unable to tear your eyes off the screen nonetheless. The genius of the film is that neither main character was singled out to be the "good" or the "bad" one, the roles are moralistically much more complex. It had more of a karmic resonance to the film, where you can see the causal links and chain of events.

The plot of the story was not too difficult to follow, but the editing of the film did not follow a straight linear chronological progression. The back and forth flashbacks were done just enough to illuminate certain critical elements of the story, while slyly and coyly holding back on the rest. Other critics have called the movie itself a magic act and I couldn't agree more. Nothing is better in a movie like this than the final stunning finale and this being a film by Christopher Nolan, one can expect no less.

cinderella em

today my mom recruited me to wax her pride and joy, the pristine but dusty hardwood floor in the dining room. the one reserved only for our honored guests. boy was it fun...I was on my hands and knees wiping vigorously for over an hour to acheive the brilliant shine that is so esteemed of waxed hardwood floors. i think i wiped so hard I nearly had a heart attack. I felt short of breath, i was getting all dizzy (it could be from the fumes coming off the durawax too). Anyway, after an hour, the fruit of my labor? the freakin floor LOOKS THE SAME!!!!!! If I squint hard enough, I might be able to see some difference, but that could also be because I wanted to see a difference so bad, I might have conjured it up in my imagination.
oh well...just hope my mom can appreciate that i still did it. even though the results were really quite underwhelming.

in other news, last night i took my folks and auntie out to Tower Oaks Lodge, a supposedly fabulous best kept secret of Rockville. It was not bad, I think my mom really enjoyed the food there, which in itself should say something since she is an extremely critical culinary artist. the highlights were, raw tuna diced into cubes and served in a martini glass, savory trout buried under a blanket of mushrooms and tomatoes, lobster dipped in buttery garlicy oil, and delicious maple creme brulee to finish off the meal. I got greedy and ordered a haagen daaz ice cream, not suspecting that they would serve almost a quarter pint. it was humongous. i had trouble finishing it off to be honest and staggered out filled to the brim. Overall a good dinner, if on the pricey side. I'm glad my family enjoyed it. We made a pact to begin trying out all the area restaurants in Bethesda or DC, I mean, why not? I hope to spend more QT with my folks before I'm headed off to med school in 11 months.

So now it's Saturday and I'm at the lab doing some crappy old thing for my experiment. This is like the 15th time I'm doing this procedure. If the results are good though, maybe my boss will be happy. I've been here for over 10 months and I haven't been able to come up with anything overly spectacular. It's high time something comes out of my research. It's quiet at the lab...it's only me myself and I.

Tonight I'm gonna go check out The Prestige. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman, what's not to love? I think i will enjoy mightily the sight of these two hotties go at each other with their magical prowess. Will be perfectly happy to provide a review of this movie tomorrow, of course. Stay tuned, my faithful bloggees.

Tennis Champ in the making!

last night i went to play tennis with church family friend. since it was already dark and cold around 7:30, I showed up in turtleneck, sweats and gloves. still i was really excited to play tennis again, after a hiatus.

My forehand swings are actually becoming more solid and consistent. The best shots are the ones that go deep and stay low. You can tell you've hit it well when the ball hits the racket at the sweet spot and there's a pleasant vibration. When the ball ricochets off the racket at a weird angle, the sound is different and the vibration is often jarring.

However, I'm still somewhat bad at backhand swings. I can't gauge the correct distance at which to hit the ball with a backhand. It helps sometimes when I try to remember how it feels to hit the ball with a forehand swing and what steps I take to get to that point, and then I try to apply it to my backhand. Otherwise when I worry too much about positioning, angle, the perpendicularity of the racket face to the ground, etc etc, all these random factors just distract me too much.

So far I've been able to keep up a steady back and forth volley less than 10 times on average. It's not good enough yet. The good news is - I got the uncle to agree to teach me tennis on a weekly basis until about Thanksgiving or so. Then perhaps we will break until Spring. The rate is very reasonable too. I think this is the start of a long and fruitful relationship between me and tennis =)

Wedding songs

I was chatting with a coworker about good/bad songs to play at a wedding. I was thinking of the songs I would like to play at my own wedding one day. This is an initial list.

1. Enya - Amarantine
2. Beatles - All my loving
3. Beatles - I want to hold your hands
4. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter
5. Ozone - Dragostea Didn Tea
6. Mouse loves Rice
7. Rob Thomas - All that I am
8. Secret Garden - Nocturne
9. Miyasake movies soundtrack
10. Gladiator soundtrack
11. Colors of the Wind (from Pocahontas)

Blah blah more blah blah

Hello droogies, today I’d like to discuss a brief scare on the road while I was driving to work. As I was merrily driving down the road today, a white van piloted by a clueless driver tried to make a left turn from a road off to my right, in front of me. That would’ve been all well and good except that there were cars coming the opposite way and were not very keen on letting this intruder into their world of happy speeding. What does the white van do? It does a screeching halt midway through its left turn and then tries to backtrack, and ends up in MY lane, but directly facing me. Can you picture this scenario my friends? I was headed for a not so pleasant head on collision with this car, because it aborted its left turn and decides to turn left into my lane, directly in front of me. I was not a happy camper, but I did what any wise smart and self-protective driver would do. Nothing. I just kept going, going on faith that the van would wise up and steer to the shoulder, which it thankfully did. I did, okay fine, I did slow down, but I was not about to yield to the driver. Someone or another honked and for a brief nanosecond, it was all chaos and confusion. But the white van pulled very abruptly to the shoulder and I sped past it. That was that, but an interesting start to my day, to be sure.

In other news, I will hopefully take up tennis again and begin playing regularly, undeterred by cold weather and such trivial details as weather. For lack of players to play with, maybe I should get a tennis ball throwing machine. How sad is that? I need more people to play with!

I have to say, I spend the vast majority of my mental capacity scheming of new ways to entertain myself. Why have I become such a creature hellbent on having fun? Is that all I live for? Aah, I know. I just want to live an interesting and exciting life so that I have something to blog about. The lengths that I go to for my blog audience!

a particularly cruel technical difficulty

today i received an email from a medical school. it said, "interview confirmation" in the subject. When i clicked on it, the msg contained only one msg, "-1".

so being the eager beaver that i was, i called the school to ask what's up.

no one answer the phone, but a voice message recording addressed this "IT issue" and "sincerely apologizes" for raising the hopes of thousands of applicants throughout the nation but that the message is indeed meaningless. WTF???

terrible! that's just cruel, jerking us med school applicants up and down like this. =(

anyway, other than that, I am in a relatively good mood. I think I'll go work out today.

Most beautiful girl in the world

I have just been paid a most outrageous compliment. It's so outrageous that it's most likely not going to go to my head and puff it up like a hot air balloon. Still, it made me smile to have been told that. How lovely to be thought of as the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world, if even for an instant, if even for a moment.

Reading Scott M. Peck's The Road Less Travelled right now. Technically, it's a re-reading as I had previously read it in high school. Although, I must say that reading the same book almost a decade later does allow me to do a richer, fuller interpretation of what is being said, as I have a fuller reservoir of experiences to draw from. The basic premise of the book is that love must be coupled to discipline. That love is about what you can give and how you can grow spiritually with the person you love, inducing positive spiritual growth in each other. It's not just a 'feeling." It's not about instant gratification. Reading the book gave me greater insight into myself and how I had been acting the past several years. I've been truly awful in some respects. I hope to change, really, I do.

Tomorrow is a Halloween party thrown by my boss. It should be fun. I don't know yet if I should dress up. I won't mind, as long as I'm not the only dork going out on a limb here. I think though that I want to steer away from "asian' themes. No Chung Li look, no karate kid getup. Going as a sex kitten to a company soiree may not be such a good idea either. Hmm...what exactly should I go as? I'll try to think of something utterly ingenious and completely effortless. Maybe I'll go as Amelie Poulain, how about that? Good idea eh? I have the hair for it at this point, just need the clothes.

Now then...now what?

I think it's fair to say that I'm at a critical juncture in my life, on multiple levels. Career-wise, I have yet to know for certain where I'm headed in 11 months. Or I should say, I personally am quite certain, but it's perhaps also dependent on divine providence as well.

An overwhelming urge has come over me to take a trip somewhere. I have been talking about going to Mexico. Another top choice for me would be Prague. Regardless of where, I am certain it'll be somewhere.

Spiritually I feel I am at a new juncture too. I've been thinking of going into meditation for some time now, more or less inspired by Wendy's example I guess. But part of me still hesitates at the brink, not sure that I can make the full time commitment that such a practice entails. Truly though, I yearn for some peace of mind and perhaps meditation can bring it...

On top of that, there are several things I want to do. I want to begin volunteering part of my time at a nursing home. It's only fair that for someone to profess thinking about going into geriatrics, that I actually enjoy being around old people. I do and I don't, it's a mixed bag. So I think to be more sure, I should do something along those lines. Furthermore, I want to teach myself Spanish. I don't know if that's possible or realistic? Maybe I'll start a self-study now and then take an actual course in January at the local colleges. My ultimate goal is to be able to converse in Spanish and maybe volunteer abroad in Guatemala. Why there? Well...why not? Gotta start somewhere.

Artistically, well, I've been hoping to do more with photography and videography. I have video footage that I wanted to edit for some time now and I never got around to it. I like to think of myself as artistic, but here's the thing, regardless of whether or not I'm talented, I should just jump into it and do it. Do more, talk less. That way, I may actually get somewhere.

I just realized in re-reading my post that I mentioned "somewhere" like three times. It's probably my subconscious drive to indeed get from Point A to some Point B in space and time.

Another song I like

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh no please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.

If I fell in love with you



I like this song by the Beatles too. It's a very sweet melodic composition. However the lyrics are awfully vindictive aren't they? I know this is from a "boy's" point of view, but it could just as easily be from a girl's point of view as well.

Dork, your name is Emily

I went to the gym today and lo and behold, I forgot to bring my gym shorts! What does Miss Genius do? She resigns herself to jogging on the treadmill in her newly purchased Express jeans. (Well because I was stuck there, my dad had dropped me off) Good thing they were kind of stretchy, so they functioned more like tights. I felt like a real winner there though. I think others at the gym must have thought I was a super fob, who had no idea how to dress for a workout. Oh well.

As I was jogging today, I kept wondering about one thing. Why are people so scared of pain? Is that a stupid question? Isn't pain meant to be scary? If we weren't scared of pain, we'd all burn ourselves to death at 4 or 5, when we were little pyromaniacs right? But I guess I wonder, isn't it a better attitude to embrace the pain, whether ir's physical or emotional? If you face the pain, in essence, one of my worst nightmares (I'll speak only for myself here) then...what happens next? Will it make you a stronger person? You would have faced what you were fearing most all along...and perhaps you realize, it's not as bad as you had feared, after all.

the big M

I was just reading the New York Times Readers’ Opinion section on the issue of marriage and people’s increasing reluctance to become married.

Most people brought up valid points, not necessarily making it a moral issue. Some were practical and simply said that the reason is an economic one. With divorce being such a strong possibility for most marriages today, it’s economically and fiscally foolish to enter matrimony. One guy is 71; he has been paying alimony since he was 39 and will be paying until the day he dies. That is a depressing thought indeed. Of course there is also the argument that as women become more financially established and independent, they are reluctant to enter a state of union where they have to go home and continue to slave for their spouse. Ideally, the chores and housework would be split 50/50 but when was the last time life worked out “ideally”?

Others of course take the preachy road and railed on today’s people as being selfish, instant-gratification driven, not wanting to give or sacrifice too much for others. On this point, I have to reluctantly agree that it is indeed an obvious societal trend. Taglines from ads like “because you’re worth it!” and “you deserve a nice little break, you deserve to live in a 4 star hotel, have a snazzy car” etc etc…it’s all been brainwashed into us more or less hasn’t it? It’s basically the religion of capitalism and it replaces the religion of yesteryears.

But I digress. Ultimately, marriage is about compromise and to some extent, “settling.” I think we are programmed to think that we deserve the absolutely very best in life and it’s less focused on what we have to give in our relationships. Hopefully I can begin a slow progress towards being more centered on “others” and less centered on “self.” I’ve thought about that for a long time now and it’s been something that has called to me. Unfortunately, some lessons are learned a bit too late and for that, I will always have some regrets.

Yesterday

I went to Columbia Day in DC to attend luncheon and some lectures with fellow Columbians. What was amusing was that I didn't expect that the vast majority of the attendees would be silver-haired and stooped. However, I have met some nice people and enjoyed talking to them.

The first lecture dealt with Homer and the Odyssey. Good memories of having to struggle through the Odyssey came back to me. I really have no inclination to read epic poetry. Maybe when I'm 60, I will acquire a taste for it.

The second lecture was by a foreign correspondent and Columbia alumnus. Good speaker. Talked about politics, Iran, Iraq, current relevant events. It was good to gain his perspective on things, because to be honest, I haven't done too much in-depth thinking of my own regarding our state of the affairs.

Then the final lecture was on Robert Moses and how he shaped the landscape of New York City. So much I don't know, so much to learn still.

I met two alumni, both class of '61. One of them asked me if I were single because he has a 30 yr old son he'd like to introduce to me. The other man asked to have dinner with me. Haha...if so, he would be the oldest guy I've "dated", since he must be pushing 70. Just kidding, I like elderly people actually. They usually have lots to teach and offer, but not everyone is willing to listen.

They also played a 15 minute inspirational (read: cheesy) video extolling the praises of Columbia. I watched it with a mixture of bemusement and grudging appreciation. I really did enjoy my four years at Columbia immensely and I think it has shaped me to be who I am now, for better or for worse. All the propandistic stuff about COlumbia being such an awesome institute and blah blah blah, well, I guess I'll take it with a grain of salt, but I don't want to be an ingrate. The truth is, Columbia is a pretty amazing place and I have met some truly important people in my life there as well. Sigh and let's face it, I might not have a chance to be an "Ivy Leaguer" anymore. But we should stay positive, shouldn't we? Who knows, maybe I'll do awesome in med school and then get a kickass residency at Columbia or Harvard or anywhere else. One can dream.

Last night I watched Ashton Kutcher's film "A lot like Love" It's a silly piece of work, but Ashton's always good to watch, because he's just such a cutie. I think my aunt enjoyed the film. But it's one of those mildly entertaining but immediately forgettable flicks.

Another one!!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Last night went to happy hour with coworkers. For some reason, I didn't learn my previous lesson about the Bethesda parking cop, because I went back to my car after having let my meter expire for over 40 minutes and somehow I thought I could get away with it. But no no no, silly rabbit emily, you just got served yet another lousy parking ticket and you totally deserve it too.

So happy hour was not bad. The nachos there are my favorites. I also gulped down a beer with some measure of relish. i don't mind hanging out with my coworkers, but most of them are married and tend to have a different mindset from me, so usually my common ground with them would be movies and mindless entertainment of that nature, because i have nothing whatsoever to add in terms of houses, cars, kids, careers, etc. But nevermind, I had fun just sitting there munching the nachos.

I signed up to go to Columbia Day in DC. Hopefully I'll have fun going to the lectures and meeting some fellow Columbians. I'm a bit apprehensive because I'll be traveling by meself, but I think it's time I push myself out of my comfort zone. I feel that it's in a way, divine wishes as well.

One of my favorite Beatles songs

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva

Thoughts are all jumbled up

Not much to report. Iris was back for the weekend. She has had a few interviews in the DC area for summer internships. My sister, always the go-getter, has like 10,000 interviews lined up. I am happy for her though, since I know she works hard and deserves to reap the rewards of that hard work.

Family friend Geoff in town too. We'll see their whole family in Thanksgiving, so we'll finally get to meet the Mr and Mrs. Kaos. My mother should be happy, she's always very delighted to entertain friends.

As for me, well....I guess a conversation last night with a friend put things in a more positive perspective. I could sit on my butt and whine and moan and groan. But things aren't going to change unless I do something about it, right? For some reason, it's taken me many many years to realize this simple truth. Perhaps I'm still in the process of realizing.

Today's the sixth anniversary of Grandma's passing. When I was really young, she took care of me for an extended period of time. Not surprisingly, I was a difficult child to take care of, and required superhuman patience. I was completely disinterested in food for one thing. I kept her plenty busy just with the arduos process of feeding me. But because of this too, we've always been closer, we shared a bond I think. I miss Grandma...

Taipei's all up in a doozy right now. Everyone who's against the president is out in the streets, dressed in red from head to toe to signify their collective anger. They remind me somewhat of the angry ohmnus (spelling?) in Nausicaa. When these giant beasts get mad, their eyes glow a fiery red. The sleazeball president Chen however is unlikely to be ousted from his cozy presidential spot. I guess the legislature protects his rights and throne too well.

What else? I think I've hitherto used films and movies as a way to escape from the harsh realities of life. Maybe it's time I throw away these crutches. Films should be entertaining, it can be a source of discussion and thought-provoking cafe chats, but it shouldn't be a means to disregard the actual real problems in my life and vicariously experience other people's sorrows and pains. Lord knows I have enough of my own problems at this current point.

I have to meet later with my boss. NOT looking forward to showing my unfortunate experiment results to her. I guess I better prepare for a round of castigation, Singapore style.

Ah....crap, I'm just writing for the sake of writing now. I listened to more Beatles on the way to work. I love their music, well, of course, there are certain other personal reasons for me to be so into the group now, but I'm very glad I got into this. It will be a faithful companion to me, I believe.

My weekend

This past weekend I have made a new love: the Beatles!

Saturday night I went to a concert by a tribute band to the Beatles. The band is called Rain. The four guys did a really great job recreating the Beatles experience. Even for someone such as me, impervious and ignorant of the Beatles' charms before, felt a great rush of excitement and general euphoria while at the concert. I have also been introduced to some truly great music. "A day in the life" and "here, there, everywhere" are two of my favorites, off the top of my head.

The atmosphere was very contagious. Women in their 40's and 50's were going wild and getting up and dancing at times. I was also surprised to see so many youngins' just as into the Beatles. This thirteen year old kid with tousled curls (a very cute kid actually) kept pumping his fists in the air and jumping up and down. He was clearly so excited, it was almost as great to watch him as it was to watch the show.

My friend, who invited me to the concert, needless to say was a hardcore Beatles fan. He introduced me to the Beatles and for that, I will always be grateful.

Last night I went to watch the Departed. It's such a great story and Martin Scorsese did an awesome job overall. However, the very last scene was a tad cheesy and surprising for such a veteran director as Scorsese. I was disappointed by that, but overall the performances of both Leonardo and Damon did not let me down. Leonardo played his character with very raw emotions, a bit more realistic perhaps than the Chinese original. However, I respect and admire the actor who played the Chinese version as well, the man's got depth. I hope to see more Leo works from now on. Jack Nicholson played his part with flair, although it seemed to me like he didn't treat his role that seriously. Maybe it's just that way when you reach a certain age, you don't treat anything that seriously anymore, because you've seen it all, done it all, and nothing is new under the sun. I though the brief sex scene between Leo and this psychiatrist was hot though, she has a good figure.

Asian Fusion

I went to see this film last night as part of the Asian Pacific American Film Festival. It was an over the top, often raunchy but refreshing Asian American film. A Chinese divorced journalist falls in love with a Hispanic American dentist. Their budding romance is complicated by a super dysfunctional Chinese family (the woman's), led by a 70 year old rambunctious and sometimes obnoxious matriarch. I thought the supporting cast brought their various strengths to the film, and performed admirably.

My favorite character was the main actress, because she had a wonderful way with facial expressions. Even though she plays a 49 year old woman, she looks at least 10 years younger. Her mother too was extraordinarily comical. For an old lady, she's quite feisty. Yes, there were some pretty ridiculous stereotypes that were played on, as this is a film based on cross cultural clashes, it is to be forgiven.

An entertaining film. I would give it an 8/10.

Why do people put things off?

Why do I have such a bad habit of putting things off? Today I accomplished in 1 hour what has taken me about 720 hours to bring myself to the point of doing.

In other words, I procrastinated for 700+ hours on what I could have finished in 1 hour. Granted, some measure of desperation finally drove me to confront my worst enemy but still, I can't help but marvel at how UNcarpe Diem I've been.

Bad bad Emily. When are you going to turn over a new leaf? I guess I have an awful lot of leaves to turn over. Oh well, I'll leave these sad ruminations to another day.

On the brighter note, I bought new shoes today. New stuff always inspire me to think I'm going to be a better person. Does that make sense? For instance, now that I have these brand spanking new running shoes, I'm going to go jogging everyday at 5 AM. Hey, the very thought is inspiring, isn't it? I need Rocky music. If I had that playing in the background, I'd be all pumped up and ready to roar. Haha, maybe it's more apt that I play Madonna's "Material Girl" instead.

Suddenly, we realize that we are mortals after all

Recently I've encountered some sad events in my life. Although not directly connected to me, I have known of these people for many years.

In September, a family friend passed away from multiple cancers. He had cancer of the lungs, stomach, colon and maybe lymph nodes as well. It was a vicious metastasizing cancer that spread and eventually took his life. My parents and I had driven down to Atlanta one weekend in August to visit him. I remember that visit very vividly. I remember the emotion on his face when he saw us go into his room, how touched he was that we drove some distance (what of it, such a small gesture really) and how my mother couldn't hold back her tears even as she was egging him on and telling him that she's fully confident that he will recover.

Just yesterday, a member of my Church passed away too. He had brain surgery two weeks ago to remove a tumor (benign or otherwise). Apparently however, he suffered a stroke during the surgery. After the surgery, he wasn't doing so well. On Sunday, he suffered another massive stroke and he was pronounced brain-dead. I think he was removed off life-support yesterday. I could be wrong, I don't have all the facts. The sad reality is, his was a sudden and perhaps crushing death to his family. He also lost a 16 year old son many years ago, maybe about 15 years ago. My symnpathy goes out to his family.

The English pastor of our Church was diagnosed with cancer too. He is going to undergo treatment and has taken a 3 month leave.

I heard another member of our Church, he always seemed like a very solemn and earnest man, but a good man. I heard he has lung cancer, and he already has one lung removed. Now the cancer has spread to his other lung. I could be wrong but I don't think he's a smoker.

These events do put things in perspective for me. However shitty I think my life is at times (and I know truth be told, I have it pretty good, I'm just a brat) I know that I am really very blessed. My homework for today, tomorrow and all the days of my life: how to achieve lasting contentment and appreciation for what I do have.

Hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.

I have this strange medical condition that's been bothering me for some time. I hear my own pulsating heartbeat in my right ear. I used to think it was just earwax buildup or something. It becomes worse when I have a stuffed nose or allergies. I went to see a doctor who was really quite useless. He tells me that usually older people get this, and sometimes it could be caused by a stroke. Taking into account my age and general health, that seems rather unlikely. He tells me that it could also be some blocked sinuses in my nasal cavity and that surgery may be an option. I really don't know what triggered it though. Now, because autumn is fastly approaching and my mucus happy nose goes haywire in the chilly air, this pulsating sound has gotten even worse. I'm constantly hearing VROOM VROOM VROOM in my right ear, so bad that it's distracting me from everyday life. It's especially noticeable at night, when it's quiet and for me, it's simply thunderous.

The flip side is (and I'm always looking for amusement for myself) that my thundering heartbeat sound in my ear makes life a bit more dramatic too. Going to the bathroom at night. Before, it would just be any old mundane thing. Now, I have my personal soundtrack and scary music, "THUNLUMP THUNLUMP THUNLUMP" Sometimes when I tilt my head a certain way, it goes away. Other times, it gets louder. Well I guess I can be thankful that I'm just hearing beats, not voices. When I began hearing voices in my head and God forbid that I should start talking back to them, someone please do me a favor and put me to sleep.

Country Road

So I went to my first interview of the season. It was quite a trip actually. Going there, since I left after work (bad idea, stuck in back to back traffic for 2 hours) meant that I soon found myself on the country road in pitch blackness. Just to spice things up, God sprinkled in some gusts of wind and some rain. To keep my windshield from fogging up, I had to blast AC at the windshield so I was freezing to death. My favorite radio station, NPR, was becoming more and more staticky as I race towards the desolate, unmanned wild wild west virginia and I very sadly turned off the dial at last. I had my friend Wendy to keep me company on the phone for a good part of the trip, but at some point, my phone completely lost signal and then it was just pure silence. It was just me, on the road, under the pouring rain, in the dark and freezing cold. Is that a bleak enough picture for ya? The sum total of which resulted in me speeding at the unwise speed of 85-90 mph in my desperation to get to my cozy inn for the night. I even reflected ruefully how I missed being stuck in traffic, because, well, traffic = civilization.

Alright, let me get to the juice of the story. So the school was really nice. I liked the facilities, all brand new and sparkly, nice and clean. Any older buildings have been renovated. The classrooms are all up to par technologically, as far as my untrained eyes could tell. Two not so great things: lack of student housing and lack of a cafetaria. Does that mean if I go to this school, I would have to actually MAKE my own lunch? Such a profoundly disturbing thought.

The people at the school were cool. They were very very nice, prattling on and on about pleasant little tidbits, perhaps in a way that urban people, abrupt, brusque and impatient creatures that we tend to be, are not used to. But they all clearly meant well and seemed genuine. At the very least, the faculty and adminstrative people at the school don't seem to be so provincial that they haven't ever seen "one of those Oriental folks" before. That was the feeling I got while I was stuffing my face at Shoney's with their decidely underwhelming breakfast buffet. Two women sitting diagonally from me kept turning and very obviously I might add, looking at me repeatedly. Now I am not an unreasonable person. I'm decently attractive to warrnat perhaps the attention of heterosexual men, but I'm not so extraordinary in any way to warrant extended and repeated craning of necks just to have a "looksee".

Finally, not being able to stand it any longer, I just smiled at them a bit quizzically, but still politely. Then one of the women said, "you look like my sister in law." Pause. "She's from Thailand." Other woman nods vigorously, "Just like Dina." I thought about giving her the stony asian face as my acknowledgement. But I managed to choke up a "Really?" and then went back to munching my bacon, somewhat put out. I'm sure, I'm SURE, I can be a stand in double for her sister in law. Perhaps we were separated at birth? Perhaps we were all cloned somewhere in a small factory in Asia. Okay okay, maybe I'm being too hard on them. I have no right to barge into their country lives and then expect them not to be, well, country.

Anyhoo, the interview itself went alright. I had three ppl simultaneously. I was nervous at the beginning and was probably less than impressive in my stammered responses. But after awhile, I managed to relax and just be myself and I even found myself talking about Brokeback Mountain (which I immediately regretted, but that was the movie that came to mind and they asked me what film I liked) But when I explained the reasons for why I like the film, the interviewer seemed satisfied, or at least, he understood. In any case, he later on told me that I did a good job, which was reassuring.

The trip back was less eventful. The weather was nice, I was not freezing and the rolling hills at the side of the road provided a beautiful visage. I was impressed, despite all my inner urban snobbery, with the scenery and the natural beauty of the landscape.

I have four letters for you

BF from past = ENTP = Extroverted INtuitive Thinking Perceiving

BF now = ESTJ = Extroverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Me = ISFP = Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

I have exactly ONE thing in common with each of these two molodoy moodges. (hint: watch CwO)

Interesting eh?

For quiz, click me!

new post, my droogies

Since I'm waiting around to wash some Northerns (this is dork lab speak, you won't understand it if you don't work in a lab) and I thought I might as well write some updates since two days ago, because we all know how utterly riveting my life is.

On Friday, I got up bright and early and did a very altruistic thing (pat on back). I went to the NIH blood bank to donate 500 ml of my blood. I was somewhat nervous, because I didn't know how I would feel after having 10% of my blood drained. However I did make sure to eat a substantial breakfast.

So when I got there at 7:30 AM, I was surprised to see several people there already. I didn't know so many others did this. Anyhoo, they gave me a bunch of questions beforehand, standard questions like, "in the past 6 months, have you had sex with a man who has had sex with another man?" Hm...well, to be honest, how would you know?

After the questions are done, the nurse takes an innocuous looking plastic thing and sticks it on my finger, pricking it. She did something wrong, becuase my finger turned black and blue. it was throbbing actually. But no matter, all in the name of a good cause. Then I went to another room and laid down in a recliner, feet up, back laid down. An elderly man laid next to me. Very soon, vampiric procedures took place and my blood was duly drained. All that was rather uneventful. My blood came out a lot faster than the guy next to me actually. He was there for over 20 minutes at least and the blood was sorta going drip drip drip. But me, hotblooded young thing that I was, I was probably geysering blood. In less than 10 minutes, I was done with my quota and sent off. Oh, this woman came in at some point and she was like, where do I donate blood? The nurses asked if she ate anything and she's like, I never eat breakfast and I don't have the time for it. One of the nurses started doing the arched eyebrow thing that comes on, a signal saying "attittude alert". She snapped at the woman, well, you may not have time for this then, since after you donate blood, you might end up dizzy and passed out for much longer than you would like. All true, but the woman just didn't care. I've never seen such a brusque volunteer. After she was done, she went to the food room and just sat there, amidst all the snacks and delicous juice, on which I was happily slurping down and she just sat there. Not eating a bite. I've never known anyone who had such a disdain for food. Amazing.

In other news, I was able to install a wireless adapter into my dad's new computer without a hitch, i.e., the motherboard didn't decide to turn over and croak as it had with the last computer. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Lord knows I need a few more Vs in my life.

Race

Last night went to Best Buy and Circuit City on the hunt for a new computio. It was a good ol' time looking and salivating at the gleaming new machines. I went around to give different Best Buy guys to ask about various information regarding computers. One guy told me that Intels are better at toggling between smaller programs while AMD Athlons are better at the bigger programs. Good to know. The other guy told me that 1000 K = 1 MB and 1000 MB = 1 GB. Good to know as well (I was just confirming that one, since I did already know it somewhere at the back of my head) Yet another guy was telling me how Emachines are at the low end of Compaqs and Intels are at the high end of HP (or is it the other way around)? Anyway, I should have taken some notes. I realize that sales guys at Best Buy can be a useful resource for information, whether or not you are purchasing. In my spare time, I might just go to these stores, pose as a buyer, ask my 20 questions and gain my knowledge quota for the day. It beats straining my eyes over the internet, trying to pick out the useful information from the not so useful ones.

Then Dad and I went to Circuit City because of the lure of a better machine package. We met a nice lady there too, a bit out of shape, so she was huffing and puffing as she bent down to check prices and other stuff on computers. But she kindly informed me that a 32X processor is much slower than a 64X processor, but of course, a dual processor is better than a single core processor. In the end, we found a computer that we liked at a pretty decent price and walked away with a grand purchase. Happy happy day.

Today was a fun one. We had a company wide relay race, with at least a few hundred people running. I was the second runner. I was so out of it that I didn't even know when the first guy started running. My ever so kind and slightly mocking mentor was like, aren't you next? I think you need to get in line to receive the baton. But OH MY GAWD was it difficult. I'm so out of shape it's pathetic! I started running at a moderately fast pace, thinking smugly to myself that this was just like the treadmills and I was probably doing a 12:00 mile pace. But then I turned the corner and the incline became a good 15 degrees sharper and immediately I start getting stress signals from my heart. My skinny legs began to waver uncertainly and I forced myself forward, pounding the pavement for all I was worth. Then just as I thought my uphill climb was over, I turned another corner and lo ! THe hill got even sharper. My my my. Dimly at the edge of my retreating consciousness I heard someone say, come on, you can do it, it's the hardest part, but you can do it! and i willed myself not to black out, despite my thundering heart about to leap out of my chest cavity and kamikaze onto the concrete.

Then to my relief, the up hill began to level and even slope downhill, but by that time, my legs were mush and jelly and it was all I could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I don't think I was even able to maintain an upright frame, I was sagging sideways, my tongue hanging out no doubt. but the legs kept going. This guy in front of me just gave up and was walking. Lazy rascal, made me lose my resolve too. But just as I was going to halt, I turned another corner and the end was in sight! The slacker in front of me began to run too, because, well, there was now an audience again. And we both began to run harder, I just wanted to finish without passing out or throwing up, that was my goal. I passed by my boss on the sidelines and mustered a big grin to cover my inner agony. by the time I passed another lab coworker, I lost the willpower to raise the corners of my mouth into even a grimace or a grin and to be honest, I couldn't even really comprehend what he was shouting at me. Anyway, I made it to the finish line staggering, tossed the baton into my mentor's hand and promptly found a nice spot of grass to throw myself down on the ground, with my legs and arms stretched out and just...coast. it was utter bliss.

All in all, it was a good race and I had tons of fun killing myself and taking 5 years off my life span. The lactic acid in my thighs, I felt like it was not just making my muscles sore, it was literally dissolving my legs, bones and muscles.

But I had tons of fun and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Waiting Game

Right now as I endure the INTERMINABLE wait for schools to get back to me, it occurred to me that maybe 70% of life is spent waiting. Or perhaps waiting only occurs most to those nondoers, like me, those who tend to sit on their butts and think too much and consequently, wait too much.

What am I waiting for right now? I'm waiting for med schools to accept me. I'm waiting to start med school. I'm waiting to become a doctor. I'm waiting to be a wife and mother. I'm waiting to become an established professional. I'm waiting to travel the four seas and distant lands. I'm waiting to start a clinic in China somewhere.

It stinks to have to wait.

A play and a movie

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending a play, my first in a long long while. It's called In the Continuum and it's about two black women and their story of HIV. Haha, I tricked Jason! I just told him I wanted to go see a play but he didn't know what they were about until after he ordered the tickets. I think otherwise, ten horses wouldn't have been able to drag him to the play.

Actually the two women were extremely talented. One played a Zimbabwean wife and mother, and the other played a teenager in ghetto L.A. The only thing these two women have in common are that they are both black, female, pregnant and have HIV. Okay, I guess that's alot in common. Anyway, it's a pretty cool play. The whole play consisted of only these two people, playing various characters at different times.

I thought the body movement was very good, engaging, spirited, etc etc. I had higher expectations of the emotional engagement of the play, but I felt little urge to turn on the faucets at the end, when it becomes all sad and stirring. Still, I got to see some different cultures than my own, I also got a glimpse of the universality of human love, needs, desires, etc. All that good stuff. Go see it if you get a chance.

The movie I watched this past weekend...ah, I am sure few people would disagree with me when I say, it was a true masterpiece: Clockwork Orange. yes, there was an overabundance of the female flesh, and at times, even the male genitalia. Yet, all that added to the film, rather than detracted. And the words! The language! What beauty the English language could be, I never suspected. I felt like I was falling in love with the English language all over again in the way it was used, the way the actors purred the words and in the way, the different combinations of sounds and syllables came together in delightful symphony. I wish I could do justice to how well done the language of the film was, but there are other things not to be overlooked as well. The colors, the composition of the film, even the actor, these magical elements really came togehter and made the film work for me, in ways I could not have imagined. I'm almost tempted to break out in NADSAT speak now, but that would just be carrying my fanaticism a bit too far. Well okay, just a bit. I think I'll chat more later, my droogies! Your faithful blogging devotchka, Emilie. Hehe.

WTC, the movie

I went to watch the World Trade Center by myself yesterday. I was in the mood for a good cry and I think I got exactly what I wanted. I didn’t think I would be so emotional watching the events of that day replay out. It was primarily focused on two individuals who were trapped by the debris and rubble of the collapsed concourse that lay between Tower 1 and Tower 2. The irony is, these two and the others who died didn’t even get a chance to help anyone else. I guess that is neither here nor there, they were heroic for simply even walking into a collapsing building with the intention to help evacuate people. It’s heartwarming though to see people rally together, united with the sole goal of saving lives, helping others. Nothing else so dramatically showcases that fundamentally, we are all humans. In times of crises, race, prejudices, differences all become insignificant before the more overwhelming priority to bond as humans. A white woman and a black woman, within two minutes of meeting each other, were sobbing into each others’ arms like sisters and best friends. When else would this happen ever?

I guess the movie was a humongous tear-jerker. Actually, it was a torrent-jerker. Some people were literally sobbing in the theater. I wasn’t one of them, but I had my fair share of sniffling.

I guess I don’t know if I would necessarily recommend it. There are no surprises. It’s a movie about perseverance and hope and people helping each other. It’s like the film Passion. There’s no surprise, but it’s cathartic in that it lets one release some pent up emotion. So see it and use it as a emotional diuretic, I guess.

Stumbling out of the cave

I feel that I have become more selfish and self-absorbed over the years, either that, or I've always been this selfish but I've only become more conscious of it over the years.

There is something to be said for living a selfless life. It is my ideal, but I don't know if I will ever get there. Today at Church I listened to some people share about their short term missions trips to China. It reawakened something inside of me. But I was stern with myself. I asked myself, what is it that appeals to me about going off to some remote mountainous region in China and then "helping" the people there, either by teaching English, telling them about God, showing my care for them, etc etc? What does it truly mean? Underneath that, is there an element of, I am the savior who shall come and descend among these poor pitiful people and bestow my graces and bountiful blessings? Is there that egotistic element of playing Superman? What is my true motive for thinking that I want to do that? To play dressup as Mother Theresa?

I think to some extent, it definitely is. And until I can divorce that element from my motives for going out there, I don't think that I should. There is truly something to be said for selflessness. I think it is simply incredible and awe-inspiring if a person can devote themselves tirelessly to a cause that they believe is greater than themselves and at the same time, be devoid of arrogance and self-congratulatory tendencies. If it's not about themselves but only about how they can give, that is the true essence of greatness. I believe I have read of people like that. I can't say I know of anyone personally. Most people I know (and you know I love you guys anyway) are mostly bustling around all day long worrying about how to carve out a nicer, bigger piece of pie for themselves. At this point, people my age have two predominant worries - how to find that wonderful soul mate and how to jump onto the fast track to a kick ass career and succeed beyond their wildest dreams. I don't know...there is nothing wrong with that, but for some reason, I find myself oddly dissatisfied with a life based only on those two criteria.

That's why I say that I'm too self-absorbed. It's all about me me me these days. I worry about myself, my applications, my life. All this worrying is just giving me a headache. Enough already. I think I need to reach a point where I understand that there are things out there more worthy of attention than myself. I'm getting a bit tired of a world where I'm at the center of the universe. I think a person that has gained some measure of wisdom can recognize that the world is much much larger than one insignificant person and is able to step out of that egotistic encasement and take a look around. It would be like the person coming out of Plato's cave and seeing a bigger much more beautiful world, perhaps. It is time I get out of my cave, but would anyone care to show me the way?

My latest essay

When I was no more than five years old, I used to be able to sit quietly at a table for hours on end, drawing things that amused me. My mother told me that she was surprised at how focused and absorbed I was in my task. I believe the reason I was so attentive to drawing was because it was a creative and visual act. I am extremely visually-oriented. I am inexplicably drawn to colors, patterns, and compositions. For this reason, as I grew older, I developed a strong interest in photography and later, in film.

As an adolescent, I took on the project of drawing a portrait for every person in my class based on school photographs. I remembered the project being a long and difficult one, as I struggled to capture everyone’s unique and defining quality. Everyone has it. If that essence is missing, the picture would not resemble the subject, except perhaps with a stretch of the imagination. I remembered still the excitement of my classmates, as they hovered around my final work, to see themselves rendered in pencil and graphite. Even though it was not easy, I took great pride in having finished my project.

Now, instead of drawing, I have become immersed in the art of photography. I consider myself fortunate to live in an era of digital photography. Digital photography allows me to capture shot after shot, visual compilations of people, objects, colors and hue, without worrying about running out of film. Whenever I take pictures now, I take into consideration the size of the subject and its relation to the surroundings. I also consider the color contrasts between various objects within the composition and how they play up each other’s strengths. At times, on a bright sunny day in New York City, I would stride out with my digital camera, ready to capture the vicissitudes of city life megapixel by megapixel.

In a way, although I cannot boast of any major talent, I have a natural inclination for the arts. I enjoy creativity and I enjoy visual displays. My interest in colorful arrangements and aesthetically pleasing organization carries over in many other aspects of my life. For instance, I enjoy decorating, whether it is decorating a room or arranging a fruit platter. I take joy in making something that may have been ordinary look just a little less ordinary.

I believe that my natural love for beauty or what I deem to be beautiful has become a life philosophy. I seek out, indeed, I am eager to find beauty in the world. I also seek beauty in people, not necessarily beauty that is espoused in mainstream consciousness. Sometimes I am delighted when I discover a quality about a person that may have escaped me before. At those moments, I have noticed and captured the essence of beauty in that individual. It is my hope that I will continue to live out my life in this fashion, cultivating a keen aesthetic sense, to create works of art and in my own way, make the world a more beautiful place, visually or otherwise.

There is no title for this one

I had a dream about my mentor last night. He was mentoring me in surgery. Perhaps I was a surgical resident. In any case, he told me to perform a brain surgery ON MYSELF. I remember thinking momentarily, "But it might be painful. But wait, I've done it before, I can do this!" I was getting myself all pumped up and psyched. This must be what it feels like to be brainwashed. You manage to convince yourself that the utterly absurd is the correct course of action. He took a piece of paper and drew out the two places on my forehead that I was to make the incision. After the incision, I was to pull apart the tissues underlying the skin and pluck out something, I don’t know what. He also gave me some thread which I was suppose to use to sew myself back together. It all made perfect sense to me. I remember worrying a little bit that it won’t go as planned, but the thought that someone else should be doing this never occurred to me. Really!!! What the hell is this suppose to mean? I was all ready to take the scalpel to my forehead too, intent on impressing him with my skill and dexterity. Somewhere in my mind, I have come unhinged.

In other news, I forced myself to send out a secondary yesterday. It was pretty crappy actually. I know I shouldn’t be such a downer, but I don’t think I have much of a shot at this school so the effort and drive to try very hard and write some stunning essay for it is simply beyond my psychological capacity. Still, I’m happy to have sent it out and get it off my TODO list. I have a love/hate relationship with my TODOs. Making a TODO makes me feel organized, but my ultimate desire is to destroy and eliminate the TODO list too.

I’ve reverted back to an old habit again – watching cheesy Asian drama. The current one’s got all the elements of cheesy soap opera fare – dashing rich guy, beautiful, sweet but slightly less well off girl, a loyal and constant admirer who loves her, a mother who’s the ultimate beyatch, two side characters who provide comic relief. When I first started watching, I was still detached and bemused at how bad it was and how forced everyone’s acting seemed. Now, in spite of my realization of its obvious flaws, I’m hooked! Hooked hopelessly, like an addict. Soap opera addiction is really not that much different from alcoholism, I think.

Last night went to Happy Hour with coworkers. It was like a couples night thing, because everyone in the lab is pretty much 1 of 2. They all brought their significant others, including one couple who brought their 2 month old baby. Cute thing, couldn’t really hold up its neck yet, so it was just this puddly gooey little floppy thing. I was afraid to hold it in case I dropped it.

Jason should be having a good time in China right now. Lucky boy. I wish I were there too.

Update on Clubbing

So I was talking to Olivia tonight and she told me some interesting news update. The other night when we went clubbing, we ended up dancing with two Korean guys. One of them was quite attractive, the other one was okay. Anyway, both guys were extremely interested in getting to know us better, which of course is not surprising. At around 4 AM, I dragged my friend out of the club because I still had to get up early for a wedding the next morning and they followed us out. Then my friend actually gave them her phone number! Go Olivia, she's more open and daring than I gave her credit for. One of the guys gave her a business card in return, evidently he's a producer of some kind in New York City. Anyway, we exchanged our goodbyes (my goodbye may have been a bit slurred) and then collapsed into a taxi. And I thought that was the end of it. but nooope!

She actually met up with them for dinner some time later in the week! Lucky girl =) The cute guy has since gone back to Korea now, but the producer guy is still hanging around town. Oh well, what can I say? new york city girls get all the fun, maryland girls just get stuck writing about such stuff and excitement on the blog and share in some vicarious fun.

Labor Day Weekend

Geoff and Eric, two family friends, came to visit this weekend. It was a good ol' time hanging with the boys. They also brought along a very quiet dog whose name is still very much under contention. Wendy - I suggested Rumi in dedication to your love for the 14th century saint/poet/philosopher. I thought it would be an elegant name for a dog and it also sounded girlist enough. But I think the dog's owner was more in favor of calling it after his favorite animated dog, Gromit, the gender difference evidently a trivial detail.

Anyway, we hit up Georgetown and checked out the campus so I get to drool all over this reach school once again. In welcoming its entering freshman class for the Fall, there were cheesy slogans decking the school campus, in honor of itself and how great it is. It's like, yes, yes, we know we're the shit and you'll be lucky to attend us, you insignificant little thing you.



There was a bust of Guo Fu, or Sun Yat-sen in its international affairs building. It was rather interesting and we all took turns posing next to it. Then we found another very interesting statue, made all the more interesting with the creative poses that these guys managed to think up. Unfortunately I'm a PG-13 blog so I won't be posting THOSE pictures here tonight. =)

So what else? Oh we went to watch Little Miss Sunshine. It was hilarious!!! I never laughed so hard at a film's climatic scene. It was a moment where it was so bad you almost didn't know whether to cry or to laugh, but in the end, I thankfully chose one over the other. It was definitely a good movie though, and I'm glad I got to watch it finally. I don't really want to give it away for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. It's one of those movies that feel really real and the distance between art and life was impressively removed to the point of being non-existent. In this way, it makes you take it seriously inspite of yourself.

I finished Scrubs Season III. Eh...it's starting to wear a bit thin to me. I don't even know if I should buy the season or not. I did buy the first two and they were both good, but I don't know if I should buy a mediocre season just for having a complete collection.

Oh yeah, the dog, cute dog as it is, but barfed all over the place Sunday night. I wasn't very helpful I'm afraid, because not only am I afraid of being bitten by a dog, but I'm also not so inclined to touch dog vomit. But poor pup, I think it felt both sick and also somewhat ashamed that it made such a mess. Because afterwards, when I approached it, it looked at me with sad droopy eyes and sorta traipsed abashedly to its little cage, whimpering a bit. I know the feeling darling. Throwing up never feels very good.

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Well anyway, I guess I'm sort of rambling which is always a cue to stop here and put an end to the agony. Anyway, c'est ca parce qu j'ai finis! au revoir.

It's Friday night

and Jason has flown away to China. Have a safe flight Gromit!

Actually it's raining today and everywhere it's cold, damp, and just...ughish. No real motivation to do anything productive. It's a day to crawl into warm cottony bed and curl up with Bronco and just be.

Maybe watch some Scrubs.

I have such grandiose plans to clean my room, donate like half my closet to charity (because I feel the need to refresh my wardrobe, every year) and feel organized and on top of the world. I mentioned before that the process of organization can produce endorphine like feelings of accomplishment and self-satisfaction. However, the gratification induced by POO usually doesn't last very long.

I watched the Illusionist with Wendy recently. We both, cynical critics and cinema connoisieurs that we are (i'm feeling alliterative tonight) gave the movie a bland review. I thought Ed Norton was good, intense, great acting blah blah blah. Paul Giamatti, another formidable talent. The female, a strong female character. However the story was somewhat weak. Supposedly the ending should be a big surprise to everyone, but it's really not, at least not to me. It's somewhat along the lines of the Usual Suspects, but it only works if you were truly taken in. Now I'm not proclaiming that I'm such a brilliant deductionist, but perhaps my mind works in sufficiently twisted ways that the movie has failed to out-twist my mental labrynthe. Be that as it may, the cinematography was good, the love story lush if unconvincing.

I really want to go see Little Miss Sunshine. Alright! That's my goal for the Labor Day weekend. Actually, the fall pickings look pretty decent. I am looking forward to a fair number of movies actually. Wendy and I discussed moving into a convent and becoming a nun. My first question to her was, Would you be able to give up movies? That shows you my strange perverse attachment to the silver screen. I heart film to my dying day.

My new favorite song

I love it I love it I love it!!!

Rob Thomas
All That I Am

I am the one winged bird for flying
Sinking quickly to the ground
See your faith in me subsiding
See you prime for giving in
I give you all that I am

I am the sound of love's arriving
Echoed softly on the sand
Lay your head upon my shoulder
Lay your hand within my hand
I give you all that I am

And I breathe where you breathe
Let me stand where you stand
With all that I am

I am the white dove for a soldier
Ever marching as to war
I would give my life to save you
I stand guarding at your door
I give you all that I am

I am the one winged bird for flying
Sinking quickly to the ground
I am the blind man for a watchdog
I am prime for giving in
I'll show you all that I am

And I breathe so you breathe
Let me stand so you'll stand
With all that I am

My clubbing experience

Friday night I was a woman on a mission. I was determined to go clubbing and I wanted to have fun, let the party animal loose. I went with my friend to the Chelsea area, dressed as sexily as my Victorian sense of decorum would let me (I pushed my limit so to speak) and hit up the supposedly hottest club in town: crobar.

Let me just tell you – our first attempt to get in was downright pathetic. The line for entry snaked down the entire length of the avenue. Being fussy girls that we were, my friend and I didn’t feel like waiting in line for 2 hours. So instead, we just marched right up to the bouncers and whipped out our IDs. At one point, some Asian girl came out and got a friend to go in. We followed eagerly, rationalizing that all Asians look the same to others. But the bouncer was a crafty one and told us with a stern look that we needed to get our skinny butts in the line.

So dejectedly, my friend and I went to the club on the next block over. There, we were able to go right in, because they needed more people, apparently. The guy looked at our IDs and just motioned us in. Once in, we settled on one of the couches and had some drinks. Just then, a very buxom blondie, showing her lovelies to full advantage, sat down next to us and began talking. We started chatting with her too. She had the whole, long blond tousled hair, big blue beautiful eyes and pouty lips going. She was straight out of Hollywood. We were just chatting when she mentioned that she had to meet her friends at Crobar. My ears perked up. We then told her this wasn’t Crobar. Her eyes must have magnified 100X, and she let out a loud shriek and goes, you’re kidding me!!! My friend must be so pissed at me. Blah blah blah, she went on a tirade that I barely paid attention to, I was just thinking, Hey! She can maybe take us in. So I told her, “Well, I’ll show you where Crobar is, but can my friend and I go in with you?” She was still a bit too flabbergasted by the idea that she wasn’t actually in the right club. But she nodded and we took off.

Once in the streets, she began her directing (the art of looking hot). She told me and my friend to take off our grandmotherly cardigans and show some flesh. She’s like, you understand how it works, right honey? We nodded dumbly, uh…sure. Then, she told my friend to stand on her other side, so that us too decidedly less hot asian girls flank the roaring hot blondie. It was an interesting setup, but I can see why. It puts the attention on her and she knows she has what it takes.

When we got to the bouncers, she began affecting the dumb blond act. She acts confused and says to one of the bouncers, “What is this place? Is this Crobar?” even though the letters CROBAR is flashing in big bold beautiful neon letters right over the impossible to breach doors. She even had on this southern accent. The bouncers snickered, started eyeing her chest in a less than subtle manner and goes, You’re a long way from Texas, Sweetie. I can’t really do justice to the way she acted with mere description. But she definitely was amazing. In the next ten minutes, she bantered with the guys like today was her last day on earth. She screamed, she laughed, she told them they were hot, she bounced her boobs while she giggled, she did all this while carrying on a conversation with a female friend on her phone. The bouncers even got disoriented after awhile and seemed tired of her shenanigans. They began to stop flirting, laughing, bantering, and started telling her to leave. A few minutes more, and we probably would have been kicked to the curb. The whole time, my friend and I, needless to say, stood by, helplessly flatchested and unable to add to the sex appeal for the trio and collectively wow the bouncers off their smelly socks. Dubiously, one of the bouncers says, these girls with you? To her credit, she puts her arms around us and go, yeah, we’re all in together. She even gave us fake names, She’s like this is Claudia and veronica. I had to laugh. It also began to rain. So I put in my two cents worth. I started pouting as prettily as I know how to the bouncer and goes, we’re going to get drenched, let us in already!

Finally, finally, it may have been no more than five minutes but it felt like eternity, the bouncer, this formidable bald man, nodded imperceptibly and motions us to another guy guarding the door and goes, they’re okay, let them in. I was quite amazed. It seemed like getting into this place on a Friday night after barely five minutes and not being on the guest list is harder to scaling the forbidden palace. But blondie has done the seeming impossible.

We entered the hallowed place of Crobar and boy, there were definitely more adventures there. Suffice to say that I got a few more drinks and was sufficiently inebriated to fully and absolutely enjoy myself. Once inside, I danced my heart out, watched Blondie do a few more tricks to score drinks and other freebies and had a truly rocking time. I can see why it’s billed as one of the coolest places in town too. The place has a very sophisticated décor. Met some European guys, some Indian guys, some Asian guys. Most of them were unattractive, but some were okay. But all in all, to cut a long story short, my mission was accomplished. The end!

Idiote to the first degree

I can not believe how incredibly doltish I was today. I had to develop a film that was inside a canvas, stored at -80 degrees celcius. I take it into the dark room and first, let me first point out that the dark room was not dark. That should have been a big frickin' clue right there. But genius barbie here hums to herself and proceeds to open up the canvas to develop the film. As soon as I flipped open the canvas and saw the yellow film, my mind screamed NOOOOOO. then my mouth screamed, SHIT SHIT! You see, the dark room should be lit with at most a very dull safe red light. That kind of light does not allow the human eye to see much color. Normal white light and the undeveloped film - they are mortal enemies, one must decimate the other, because they can not be allowed to come in contact. therefore, by the time my eyes registered the light bouncing off the film and then is processed by my optical nerve to my brain in which the area that says "yellow" is then activated in my brain, the film is essentially worthless. Apparently speed of thought can not surpass speed of light, either.

DAMNIT. Now I can not see the results of my labor for the past four days. I have to put in a fresh film and then let it sit in the canvas for who knows how long. Oh well it could be worse. I am just an idiot. The other thing was, while putting a fresh film into the extreeeemely cold canvas, I think I gave myself a freezer burn. poor thumb.

in other news, today because i was on the brink of near starvation, I was inspired to compose a small ode to my, well, my breakfast.

You gave me strength when I was weak
You nourished me at my lowest glucose hour
Your crispy golden crunchiness soothes my soul
You know I will always heart you
My Burger King tater tots

This is what lack of sleep plus malnutrition can do to your brain. Be forewarned!

OH MY GOD

In case my definition of SADISTIC schools was previously unclear, maybe this will help clarify matters. For this ONE school, I have to write how many essays? Let's count them shall we????

1. Cite two examples of working with people which highlight your leadership skills and problem solving ability.

2. Please describe 1-2 experiences you have had working with individuals from diverse backgrounds and what you have gained from these experiences.

3. State one major problem you encountered during the past 3 to 5 years and explain how you resolved it.

4. Describe the path you took to prepare, both academically and personally, for a career in medicine.

5. List other careers you considered or enter "NONE":

6. Does your academic record show a time gap or reflect a non-traditional calendar?

7. List interests (outside of academics) in order of importance to you, with a. being the most important:

8. Do you have skills/accomplishments/honors in any of the following areas

9. Please indicate your planned activities between July 2006 and September 2007

Someone take this noose, put it around my neck and pull really really hard. Don't stop until you hear a definitive crack. Because then, then...aaah...peace and quiet and freedom from pain.

the latest hottest thing

Striptease funerals.

Yeah you read that correctly. In China (of all places!) families of the dearly departed sometimes would do just about anything to attract attendees to the funeral, including, but I'm sure not limited to, hiring strippers.

News article

It just goes to show you, don't think you understand the Chinese people just because you eat rice and can use a pair of chopsticks.

yet another beautiful day in E-land

I found my two lost CD's! Ah the joys of recovering a lost posession. I found my James Blunt "Back to Bedlam" CD and also my Rob Thomas CD. Oh, I think I have your Billy Joel CD, Jason. I don't know how it got into my collection. No Black Eyed Peas though, sorry.

So on my way to work, I listened happily to the crooning of Blunt in Beautiful, Goodbye my Lover, and Tears and Rain. Those three are my favorite songs. Question: in the Goodbye my Lover song, do you think the couple has broken up or that one person died?

Outside my window, a tree is shedding like crazy, dropping white pellets of seed? I keep thinking it's snowing and it makes me look again and again. If the tree were the annoying Janitor in Scrubs, it'd probably smirk and go, "made you look! made you look!"

Last night's Scrubs offers some interesting lessons on life. First, you have to follow the rules, sometimes the rules are there for a reason. It's all well and good to bend the rules once in a while, but don't let the old boys' club spirit carry you too far, everyone bending the rules for everyone else, just for the sake of friendship. Secondly, there is absolutely no point in abstaining from sex until marriage, as Turk and Carla demonstrated. Thirdly, the weirdo lawyer in Scrubs finally gets some. And he made a dying woman very happy. That's pretty darn meaningful for a rumble in the sack.

Damn, I looked again.

Last night I stayed at work until 10 PM. I used to be one of those people who jettisons out of work at 6 sharp, eager to get home and get comfy. But I am also now discovering another, more subtle joy. The joy of gettings things done! I think I could get used to this.

If only

scientists develop a way to use restriction endonuclease enzymes to excise the asshole (and by that, I don't mean the sphincter hole) gene in people. the world will be a better place. >=(

it's another beautiful day in emily land

Things to look forward to:

1. Finishing up all my secondaries
2. Watch more Scrubs - keep it coming, can't get enough of Cox
3. Dancin' and indulging in general debauchery on Friday night with Olivia and Viola
4. See my old college friend tie the knot Saturday - and of course, getting all dolled up for the special event, who doesn't have fun getting dressy?
5. Seeing and hanging out with my friends in NYC
6. Torturing Jason with my singing on Saturday night
7. Sales tax free tomorrow for clothing - to buy or not to buy, well that's really just a rhetorical question.

essay number 1342821113

Describe a personal experience which resulted in a substantial moral or ethical dilemma. What was the outcome? We are reluctant to accept assertions that you have never encountered such a situation. Please do not address cheating in an academic setting.


Dear Admissions Committee,

This will truly be a difficult essay to respond to. What do you do when a person's moral compass is skewed? More and more, I feel as though the line between what is right and what is wrong is blurred for me. Things that seem so wrong before, I no longer think it's wrong. Things that seem so right before, I no longer revere/honor/obey. I can honestly say that I can not think of a single SUBSTANTIAL moral or ethical dilemma that I have faced in recent years. They would be considered a dilemma or a predicament only if there is a moral struggle. if not, wherein lies the dilemma? wherein lies the hair pulling, the gnawing of teeth, the sleepless nights used to ponder how to dig oneself out of this hellhole?

Nah...I sleep quite well at night, every night....the only thing that's keeping me up now is pondering how best to answer this retarded question.

Sincerely,
M

Staying on top of things

Emily's absentmindedness strikes again! =( I was scheduled to have a telephone consult with a med school dean today OR SO I THOUGHT. When I called in promptly at 9:30, I was tartly informed that Dr. Dean only has telephone consults ON thursdays. Honestly though, the fault is still unclear. I really could HAVE sworn that the person told me to call today, August 18. But NOOOOO, of course being the sycophantic applicant that I am, I had to go, oh I'm sorry, it MUST be my mistake. If I show these people the slightest bit of attitude, I think I might as well kiss my chances at that school goodbye.

Which brings me to being still at home now, almost 10 AM. It's such a luxury. I don't want to go to work today. Oh well, I guess at some point, I'll drag my sorry butt back to work.

Actually lately I've been pretty good about doing my secondaries. I have on average gotten one done everyday. I don't know if I can keep this rate up, especially for the sadistic schools that ask for six or more essays. Anyhoo, my tentative goal is to have everything done by the first week of Sept.

Next weekend I get to go to NYC. I'll chill out with my buddy Wendy and see my ex-roommate get married and boogie down Friday night at a club with Olivia (maybe, hopefully, i need to let loose and have some fun). It should be a rocking good time.

Warblings and sproutings

Watching Scrubs has truly been a very enjoyable experience. I wish I could always be as funny as Dr. Cox, thinking of one million and one ways of insulting people. I also really admire his smirky ex-wife, who has a wit and a sharp tongue to hold her own against the great Coxster.

Last night watched two more episodes, one of which featured Turk having sex dreams of Elliot as a dolled up, bimbofied nurse. She was pretty hot in that getup. I was surprised about how good she looked. Maybe I’m becoming whitewashed too, that I would find a calendar pinup look much to my tastes. Or maybe I just like the idea of Turk and Elliot as a couple, it’s a good twist, although it never took off for real.

That of course brings me to the subject of fantasies. I am probably, by my own humble estimation, the queen of fantasies. I don’t do it as obviously as J.D., with his chin uplifted to the side, as he ponders to the upper right or left hand corner of his eyeballs. But trust you me, sometimes even when I’m engaged in conversation with another person, I’m not 100% there. That’s why sometimes when the person stops talking, awkward silences can ensue as I try to remember what was being said exactly.

Hum…currently reading Mountains beyond Mountains. Almost done. So good I may read it again. I am reading it because I want to learn from it. I don’t want to just read it and then forget it. So I might set a new precedent in my life by promptly re-reading it a second time. This is a good way to remember things.

At lunch today, one person was betting another person on the exact physiological anatomy of the corn plant. One person maintains that each stalk only has one cob. Another person insisted that the stalks can sprout four or five cobs at least. I very unhelpfully mentioned that in my life, I have only driven by fields of corn, but never actually been among them, let alone harvested corn. These two people got so into their bet, one person offered to relinquish his car if he were proven wrong. Whoa there Bessie, no need to be so impulsive is there?

my China

I've been contemplating recently about what being Chinese meant to me. I realize that there are both negative and positive associations that I have when thinking about my culture. There are of course things I identify with and things I keep at a mental arm's length.

Negative aspects of what being Chinese mean. Propagandistic cartoons from post 1950's when red, rosy-cheeked girls and valiant, stocky guys raise their clenched fists in the air and clutch their little red book of Mao sayings while the headlines cry: Long live new China! Long live the revolution! Ugh. Tacky to the extreme. Other negative associations: bad teeth, poor fashion sense (my hope is that one day the Chinese will be seen as trendy cool people like the French or the Japanese or the Italians), Bruce Lee and his warblings, Chinese school, taiwanese politicians fighting each other and embarassing themselves, Chinese middle aged men - I don't know many attractive ones, maybe Andy Lau and Tony Leung are the two exceptions, or little asian punks who want to be ghetto (just silly), plastic bags, sallow complexion, jaundice, slanty eyes, being cheap, bad Chinese food, fortune cookies, dumb Confucius says sayings, being perceived as sneaky, enigmatic, scratching oneself, spitting in public, wife beaters (the shirt), rickshaws, bad toilet conditions, greasy stringy hair

Positive associations: lyrical grace of martial arts, the ribbon dances from Tang dynasty, calligraphy with a large sweeping brush, elegiac weeping willows set among the mountains in a Chinese painting, Andy Law crooning his undying love, Chicken soup, pandas, pretty stationary from Taiwan, night markets, asian snacks, dumplings, pan fried onion chong you bing, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Steve Chow, bowl and chopsticks, slender twiggy girls, straight jet black hair on asian school girls, school uniforms, books with cute typography, pictures of formosa, history of China, being passionate, being nationalistic, full of ideology, Sun Zi Bing Fa, Dream of the Red Chamber, poetry, noodles, silk embroidered cheongsams, In the Mood for Love.

I know this all seems rather random and quixotic. I went to a History of Medicine lecture today and was treated to an hour of posters produced in China regarding public health. One poster showed a man squatting over a hole in the ground, simultaneously vomitting and diarrheaing. Yeah, gross. It's a poster information on Cholera. It got me thinking of the power of images and the associations that come with the images. I realize too that when I think of the word Chinese, my mind, in a matter of nanoseconds, processes several hundred different images and associations, some of which I mentioend abvoe. But rest assured folks, these are just the tip of the iceberg. I have had 27 years to cultivate these mental associations after all.

further proof that i date a nerd

Conversation via email between Emily and Jason.

J - I went to the casinos on Friday. I watched Derek play craps. And I lost $100... :-(

E - the more you go to the casinos, the more money you will ultimately lose.

J - I could have walked away with money. But the idiots at my table didn't know what the hell they were doing. I don't like N00bs.

E - don't blame other people for your own greed...  =P

J - Hey, me winning = more goodies for Emily.

E - fine.  jason losings = no goodies for emily either.

J - No, Jason losing = less goodies for Jason. The amount of Emily's goodies is only a function of Jason's winnings.
Emily's goodies = K + X*C

X = amount of Jason's winnings
C = percentage of winnings that goes to Emily
K = constant goodies Emily receive from Jason

Guess the song

I say, No no no no no no
and I say No no no no no no
You're not the one for me

special mention of scrubs episode

it's titled "His Story" and I really enjoyed it.

First, it's told through Dr. Cox's pov for once and gave us all a break from J.D. lovable dork that he is. It's downright hilarious at some moments, when you have the luxury of being Dr. Cox and seeing the world through his eyes.

Second, there's the story of Turk and Carla which has become really sweet. They are the real genuine article, the pair of them. I liked Carla's epiphany about commitment phobia and I sometimes wonder if they don't describe me as well. Hint: You might want to go watch this episode to understand me a bit better, imfu.

Third, it's genuinely sweet though, at the end of the episode, when Turk faces a possible new temptation but very quickly realizes what he truly wants. It's somewhat idealistic, somewhat romantic. Most guys don't have such a tour de clarity when it comes to relationships. Hell, most girls probably don't either.

I apologize

to a certain someone whom I tortured last night mercilessly while I spiralled into one of my existential crises and left him helplessly strangulated, choked on the gloom and doom that I expelled like car exhaust.

Sometimes you have to hit a low point, realize what this is all about and then slowly make your ascent once more.

I've said this before but I don't mind reiterating again. The truth is, everyday we have a choice. We can choose to mope and sulk and feel sorry for ourselves for problems, real or imagined, flaws, lacks, etc. We can also choose to focus on the positive. Which would be the better alternative? You don't have to be wicked smart to figure that one out...

Sometimes you have to let the darkness embrace you before you can appreciate the light again.

Actually, recently, I made an agreement with a friend that we will both try to think of one thing that we are thankful everyday. It's important to count our blessings. I think it's a good first step towards greater peace and fortitude and appreciation.

I guess part of what triggered the episode of this "acute glumness" is because I had a talk with my premed advisor at Penn. She made it pretty clear to me that it's still an uphill battle for me this year. It's not going to be easy and I can't expect everyone to welcome me to their school with open arms. Which is also to say that I should probably apply to more schools than I already have, to be on the safe side... Still, her last words to me were nonetheless, "stay focused, stay positive." After all, what else can I do?

Frances and Jason's Visit to DC

This past weekend Jason came to visit, also bringing Frances. It was good to see Frances again, after a long hiatus. She’s always interesting to talk to and she likes to ask thoughtful, occasionally jarring questions. At least talking with her makes me think harder about stuff. Jason…well Jason was just being Jason. At one point, he became a duck and started quacking nonstop at the lunch table because he saw it on Scrubs. We watched a lot of Scrubs this past weekend. It was a Scrubs themed weekend.

Highlights of the trip – going rock climbing AGAIN at Galyans/Dick’s. The guy who worked there that time looked like Scott Bailey Wolf, cute boy. A bit young for me though. I tried the next hardest route after the beginner one. I couldn’t make it to the very top. Frances is so athletic. She breezed through the same course. Jason wasn’t able to make it to the very top either. So essentially Frances kicked both our butts.

Another highlight was playing tennis after they left. I am starting lessons with a friend of my parents’. He’s very good. He has given me some good pointers. He told me that I have some power in my swings, but I need to work on control and consistency. Also, I tend to run away from the ball and thus making it difficult for me to hit the ball at the “sweet spot”. Tennis is starting to grow on me. I really enjoy and respect the sport. I guess I have my sweetie to thank for introducing the sport to me in the first place.

Oh yeah, we went to see Miami Vice Friday night. Wow, sexy Gong Li really heated up the screen with a retro-werewolfy Colin Farrell. Gong Li is probably pushing 40 at least, but she has aged really well. Aside from the love interest and some gruesome scenes of violence, the movie was only decent. Both Frances and I liked it for the hotness of the male lead more than anything else.

Morning musings et al.

Today while driving to work, I was listening to the song "Heal the world" by Michael Jackson. As I was singing joyfully to the lyrics, "Heal the world....make it a better place....for you and for me and the entire human race...." I was also simultaneously hellbent on tailgating the car in front of me so that the jerk in the white car in the next lane can't cut me off again as he had done about 15 seconds ago. I just had to chuckle at the oxymoronic moment.

Last night I went to a great tapas place with two friends. I parked at a 1 hr meter and thought I would remember to come back and drop more quarters. What a dolt I was. Of course the police that happened to be patrolling the area had to be super on top of things that night and hence ended up fining me $35 for an expired meter. Next time, remind me to just park my car in a garage, pay a little extra and not worry about the stupid meter running out? It's such a terrible ripoff.

Dinner was pretty good though. I had dinner with a girl that I had met at the retreat in May. She's an interesting person to talk to. Her background and experiences were all so very different from mine. I had the distinct feeling that even though she's the same age as me, she's way more experienced in life and in her dealings with people. The other thing she really loves to do is to travel. She's a fearless traveler and often go on long trips all by herself. Compared to her, i really feel like the domesticated little cat that never strays too far from home and food and comfort. Haha. My other friend, whom I met through Church, also came out and hung out. She's always very nice and pleasant to hang out with.

Jason and another friend, Frances are coming to town this weekend. I am still racking my brains to figure out how to entertain them. I've already done the kayaking, so I'm not too excited about trying it again. Maybe we will go to DC and do something. Maybe we can play tennis.

My presentation yesterday went well. I was nervous for about 5 seconds. Then I just relaxed. However, my heart kind of sank when one of the scientists asked me a question. I hate not knowing answers.

Addendum to previous post

So it's now 12:16 AM and I'm working on my Wed presentation with powerpoint. The one caveat to this is that I get to play with different features of powerpoint. Can I just gush for a second? I just LOVE love LOVE the animation feature. It is so fun to create a little movie of how the experiment went. I realize that it's no accident that I love films and that I thought seriously of becoming a film director at one point. It's because I love the creative process of making animation. I know this is a dorky thing to admit, but I was really very pleased with making even such a simple, bland office schematic animation. I almost clapped my hands. Okay I did, because I thought it was so nifty. Jason, I know you are probably groaning. What a dorkster of a gf eh?

Oh well, if you know me, it's hard for me to get excited about too many things in life. One would be finding a great bargain while shopping. The other would be making animated shorts. (i'll leave the rest to your imagination, but try not to dwell too long in the gutter)